Lonely on Valentine's Day? 6 Ways to Deal with It

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Lonely on Valentine's Day? 6 Ways to Deal with It
It's hard to feel happy on February 14 when we're focusing on who and what we DON'T have in our life

We've probably all had one or several happy Valentine's Days in the past.  For those of you who have lost a child or parent, a partner or friend, here are some way to deal with those losses, even as others are celebrating Valentine's Day.

1) Give yourself a lot of leeway.  If you need a few weeks more for grieving than others think you should require, thank them for their concern and assure them that you are doing what you choose to do. If you find you are listless and unable or unwilling to focus on what you want to accomplish, take ten minutes right then and there to list at least five things about yourself that you really value and feel proud of.  Try an afformation (in the form of a question) such as "How did it get so easy and natural for me to make peace with my situation?"  (Questions prompt the brain to come up with an answer).

2) When you hear of others' excitement over Valentine's Day, recall three or four times when you shared loving words with someone special in your life.  Bask in the good feelings you remember about those moments, and remind yourself gently that you will feel those loving feelings again.  If you need some reassurance on that, lead yourself gently back to those interactions until you connect with the loving person you are.  If it takes six times a day, do it. Remind yourself, even for five seconds, that you are worthy of love, from yourself and from others.

3) Call as many people as you like and ask them to listen to you for five minutes. (You would do the same for them!)  Then spill out your sadness, hurt, pain, regrets that are weighing on you right now.  You needn't rein in your feelings. Your heaviness is just as real as their lightness is. If you want to hear their response, ask for it. Otherwise, request that they just listen. At any time, you can change your mind and ask for their response.  This is your time to get your needs met.

4) If you're holding in your sadness, find some physical way to express yourself.  Pound on pillows, or go to a yoga or tai chi or aerobics class.  It could be a good time for brisk walks or for cleaning out the basement (IF you stay on task). Find activities that take a lot of energy: composting leaves, gathering wood for the fireplace, picking up litter, etc. I'm often amazed when my heaviness is lifted just by the act of putting my whole self into an activity, including making brownies.

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Ms. Moreah Vestan

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Moreah Vestan, M. A.

Come visit my website Pleasures and  Ponderings

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Location: Seattle, WA
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