Lonely on Valentine's Day? 6 Ways to Deal with It

By

Lonely on Valentine's Day? 6 Ways to Deal with It
It's hard to feel happy on February 14 when we're focusing on who and what we DON'T have in our life

We've probably all had one or several happy Valentine's Days in the past.  For those of you who have lost a child or parent, a partner or friend, here are some way to deal with those losses, even as others are celebrating Valentine's Day.

1) Give yourself a lot of leeway.  If you need a few weeks more for grieving than others think you should require, thank them for their concern and assure them that you are doing what you choose to do. If you find you are listless and unable or unwilling to focus on what you want to accomplish, take ten minutes right then and there to list at least five things about yourself that you really value and feel proud of.  Try an afformation (in the form of a question) such as "How did it get so easy and natural for me to make peace with my situation?"  (Questions prompt the brain to come up with an answer).

2) When you hear of others' excitement over Valentine's Day, recall three or four times when you shared loving words with someone special in your life.  Bask in the good feelings you remember about those moments, and remind yourself gently that you will feel those loving feelings again.  If you need some reassurance on that, lead yourself gently back to those interactions until you connect with the loving person you are.  If it takes six times a day, do it. Remind yourself, even for five seconds, that you are worthy of love, from yourself and from others.

3) Call as many people as you like and ask them to listen to you for five minutes. (You would do the same for them!)  Then spill out your sadness, hurt, pain, regrets that are weighing on you right now.  You needn't rein in your feelings. Your heaviness is just as real as their lightness is. If you want to hear their response, ask for it. Otherwise, request that they just listen. At any time, you can change your mind and ask for their response.  This is your time to get your needs met.

4) If you're holding in your sadness, find some physical way to express yourself.  Pound on pillows, or go to a yoga or tai chi or aerobics class.  It could be a good time for brisk walks or for cleaning out the basement (IF you stay on task). Find activities that take a lot of energy: composting leaves, gathering wood for the fireplace, picking up litter, etc. I'm often amazed when my heaviness is lifted just by the act of putting my whole self into an activity, including making brownies.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Moreah Vestan

Author

Moreah Vestan, M. A.

Come visit my website Pleasures and  Ponderings

Check out my  website Communication Coaching

Visit my blog Pleasures and Ponderings

Location: Seattle, WA
Credentials: BA, MA
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support
Other Articles/News by Ms. Moreah Vestan:

6 Easy Ways To Enjoy Life Over 50

By

Did you think in your 30s and 40s that you had to get your fun in before you turned 50? Well, I'm quite a way past 50, and I'm still having lots of fun. I don't have unlimited funds, so I do pass on some concerts and outings that I'd enjoy. But instead of feeling sorry for myself, I enjoy the search for enjoyable activities. I ... Read more

Don't Worry, Be Happy: 4 Ways To Keep Smiling Through Ups & Downs

By

Sometimes when you're feeling sadness or grief or hopelessness, do you give up on feeling happy? Let's try on a new habit—expecting at least tastes of happiness even in hard times. Here are 6 ways to experience happiness most any day. Notice, talk about, and write about what does feel good in your life today. It could be the ... Read more

Over 50? 8 Small Steps To Prepare For Retirement Now!

By

Are you looking at your retirement savings account and shaking your head in disbelief? Do you panic at the thought of not being able to cover your expenses after 60 or 65? Many of us don't have what's considered the average amount needed for a carefree retirement. Some of us don't even have $10-20,000 saved. Rather than getting ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB