4. Share a bit of your history. How old were you when you started dating? What lessons have you learned? What hopes and disappointments have you experienced with intimacy? Deal breakers? Hopefully, one of those deal breakers will be around the requirement of safe sex. If you've been sexual and an AIDS test after several months assures you all is well, run that by your doctor if you have concerns.
One way to explore each other verbally is using the 50-statement Compatibility Map I developed with a friend several years ago. You can order one or more copies by sending $2 per copy to me via Paypal. If you prefer, ask for my address and I will mail the Compatibility Maps after I cash your check. Another alternative: search out "compatibility test" and see what you learn. Our Compatibility Map, using "always" to "never" statements, includes living in the country, if you are happy, organized, adventurous, a good listener, how often you like sex, etc.
I was having some questions about one man I met. When asked how often do you like sex, he chose sex every day from the range of every day to once a month. That was enough for me to gently say, along with my current misgivings, I didn't think we were a good match.
5. You've thought about each other's comfort level concerning sex. Think out your and his or her comfort level about where you’ll have sex.nt out six rooms in my Seattle home so my lover may or may not meet another housemate before he gets upstairs to my bedroom. If the level of neatness is important, either take time to tidy up, or say “This is how I keep my space.” If your partner isn’t comfortable with your level of neatness, either go to his or her place or decide if it is worth dealing with the discomfort or lack of acceptance at all.
6) You've been daydreaming or nightdreaming about "doing it." It feels right and you have no voices in your head cautioning you. You know each other well enough that you feel trust and compatibility. You can also make a game of it. I found "G." too serious on our first meeting, but very appealing our second time together. I felt playful and teased him, "no sex until we've been together 30 hours." That was not a rule in my life but it made the anticipation ever so much juicier. I'd remind him each time we hung out: "only 7 more hours; only 2 more hours," and we both had fun (before and after).
Want to read more? Feel free to order my book or collect new thoughts before you go have more fun.
For a free 30-minute telephone coaching session around love, sex, problems, work or whatever, call me at 206-938-8385 and we'll set a time.