5 Ways to Speed Up Finding a Partner


5 Ways to Speed Up Finding a Partner
Looking for a partner? Keep on dating, and take these 5 steps to find the lover you want.

Have you felt sorry for yourself when there was no romantic partner in your life?  There's not much solace in knowing many others are wanting a partner too.  So what can you do to keep up your spirits?  Try these.

1) Ask close friends to keep their eyes and ears open for a guy or gal they think might like you. If they have a party or barbecue, ask them to invite both of you, and to introduce you.  Depending on how brave you feel, you might even joke with each other about the joys of meeting new people, and your individual experiences with dating sites, meetup.com groups, etc.

2) If you don't want others involved in your hoped-for love life, join a group or two at your church, senior center, community center, gym or networking association.  Don't expect quick results, but be open to them.  If it takes 2 months or 5, you've had the opportunity to meet new friends, and hopefully share some stimulating experiences you wouldn't have had without these contacts.  Just as you didn't become close to your current best friends after 1 afternoon together, you are also not likely to know "he's the one" after 1 shared coffee and pastry.  

3) Use this no-partner time to do things you love  to do alone or with friends.  Swim, read, write letters, decorate, garden, take a guided weekend trip, join a choir or bridge group or the like.  Google "events" or  "the arts" and your city to see what's out there to enjoy.

4) Register at okcupid.com (or check out many sites by googling "online dating sites."  Spend 20 minutes at 3 or 4 sites, and register for 1 or 2 you feel drawn to.  Agree with yourself that there's nothing to lose, and then put up a profile that lets men or women know what you're looking for.  I've found online dating a numbers game.  You probably won't understand why the guys whose profile you thought was ideal didn't respond.  There's nothing wrong with responding to 5 or 50 of those who sound interesting. You may hear back from 1 or several.  Don't take it personally that many others won't respond.  Keep on knowing he's out there.  Meet those who reply if you like your phone conversation. 

There may or may not be chemistry that first meeting.  Take at least 15-30 minutes in a public setting, sharing a walk or coffee, for instance.  If you'd like to know him better, let him know.  If not, say something like, "I can see you are a good person, AND I'm not feeling as connected as I'd like.  I wish you well."  If you are bored and can't wait to part, that's a good sign 1 time is enough.  On the other hand, if you are curious about what makes him tick, and can at least imagine holding hands or hugging, why not give it another time or 2.  Invite him for a hike or an open mic or to bike or whatever you like. (And remember, it could take 2 or more meetings before you feel clear about going forward or not.)

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Ms. Moreah Vestan


Moreah Vestan, M. A.

Come visit my website Pleasures and  Ponderings

Check out my  website Communication Coaching

Visit my blog Pleasures and Ponderings

Location: Seattle, WA
Credentials: BA, MA
Specialties: Communication Problems, Dating/Being Single Support
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