Tell tale signs that suggest your marriage has gone toxic
There is no real communication in the marriage anymore. You talk to survive the dynamics of everyday life without truly connecting on an emotional level. There are more silences—long, gaping chasms of wordless silences rather than words, laughter, smiles and it’s been like this for months, maybe years.
You feel tired and exhausted emotionally as any effort to repair the broken chords of marriage appears too humungous—almost akin to climbing the Everest. You prefer the inertia of non-communication over any attempt to communicate fearing it might stir the hornet’s nest badly.
You have lost trust in your spouse considerably and no longer feel secure in the marriage. You begin to judge him/her more harshly than ever before because your trust has been fractured invariably. But this is a two way street. Your spouse feels exactly the same and sadly both of you are paralyzed to make any efforts to let go off this hurt or the illusion of distrust which might get resolved by honest communication. Who will bell the cat is the question here.
The need to communicate is incapacitated. You don’t feel the urge or the fire to talk it out or thrash out the issues. You have done it enough and it still has not changed the situation much and /or it seems to reverse to the earlier scenario within days of talking it over so you feel its futile to put in any more effort.
You start losing touch with yourself because being miserable becomes a way of life for you. It’s what is your comfort zone . Pain is addictive and it gives you the illusion of being alive. What you don’t realize is that joy is our natural state as humans and anything that takes us away from it is delusional and should be nipped in the bud.
You no longer know what’s real and unreal in the marriage and this causes excruciating pain. (Use this pain as a fuel to understand yourself better and get more closer to your authentic self and reach to a higher level of awareness. It’s pure, raw, positive energy). But you wallow in self pity weaving your life around this black hole of pain and soon it becomes an intrinsic part of your being. Getting out of this inferno of pain requires a massive breakdown of the walls you have built around yourself—outdated belief systems, comfort zone, fear, distrust, being in control et al.
You start feeling lonely and stop enjoying your own company. You hate being alone and you look for ways to keep yourself occupied somehow, and resist confronting your own emotions for fear of a breakdown. You want things to continue as they are because you can’t find a solution or you are not ready for a solution yet.
You are disillusioned with love and the magic it spins on souls. You believe true love is a myth and is the first victim that marriage claims as a price for togetherness.
You begin to see the negative patterns affect your work life as well. You find it hard to put your energies at work and feel the heat of consequences slowly rise to singe you.
You don’t know how to walk off and you have no clue how to stay in the marriage. It’s a disaster either ways. You are in a chaotic state and long for ways to relieve yourself of this insanity that is threatening to tear you apart.
Your longing for peace and calm skyrockets but you can confuse it with the need to let things be the way they are. Nothing is worse than this conviction. You have got to change your attitude, introspect deeply, learn your lessons and start to move ahead without the negativity of a rotting marriage consuming you.