Work At A Relationship, But Don't Work To Earn Love


Work At A Relationship, But Don't Work To Earn Love
You cannot create an emotional and physical connection with him by doing things for him all the time

Well, as you can probably see where I’m going with this story, if a man isn’t interested in and attracted to you (cares to "rub your back”), it doesn’t matter how hard you try to win him over.

He may take your gifts of love, he may even begin to come to rely on you and your good deeds in his life, but that doesn’t mean he is going to feel “in love” with you or find you attractive. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to leave you when he finds another woman who drives him crazy with love and lust.


What if he only wants you around when you are offering him something? And what if when you need something like a back rub from him, he secretly cringes inside? Does that feel good?

It becomes about him and HIS needs and HIS happiness. What about your own needs and happiness? I mean, can you blame the poor elf in the story for having an emotional outburst over a denied back rub? Yes, he presented all his gifts free of charge, but how rejecting it must have felt for him to be refused a little attention, especially after all that work.

However, at the same time, you can’t blame yourself for refusing, because he did, in fact, OFFER his gifts and services. The same goes for a man– you can’t blame a man for not wanting to commit to you or for not loving you. He may be too greedy for his britches, but that doesn’t make him a liar or a bad person for not wanting to be with you forever.

Plus, when you make a man’s happiness the center of your purpose for living, you stop worrying about your health. You may tell yourself and others that you are happiest when he is happy, that doing for him is all you need to feel content, but regardless of the loving feelings racing through your heart, you still have needs, you still have “an aching back”. And what if he’s not 100% there, willing and eager to rub it?!

So think twice before you start working to earn your way into a man’s life. If he isn’t feeling the kind of passion it takes to have him willingly and eagerly trying to give you the key to his heart, he could technically shut the door on your sad, little elfin face at any moment.

The REAL key to a man’s heart lies in his attraction for you and that’s not something you will ever earn through good deeds and expensive gifts. It lies in chemistry and in emotional connection. He needs to feel that you are a safe place for him to reveal his vulnerability, and that’s not something you earn by “doing” anything.

Earning a man’s love is about standing still and calm, opening your heart to invite him closer– remaining emotionally available to RECEIVE his company and love. The way into a man’s heart is to sit back and let HIM be the elf in your relationship.

If you want to know what DOES work and DOES inspire a man to love you, visit my site There you can also sign up for my Love Advice Newsletter. It's packed with insight into men and some exercises you can do to effortlessly start unlocking his heart and bringing him closer!

Article contributed by

Ms. Kristina Marchant


Is the man you love emotionally distant?  Maybe he runs hot then cold, or maybe he has slowly been distancing himself over time?  If so, you are have something in common with the women who read and follow my blog,  Come take a look and sign up there for my free mini-course: "Why Men Fall In & Out Of Love...  And What You Can Do"



Location: Miami, FL
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Other Articles/News by Ms. Kristina Marchant:

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