Keep It About You, Not Him
In my past I loved “project men”—men that needed to be fixed, changed, saved and tamed. I loved the challenge and the strategies I would come up with. The chase was thrilling for me because it was easier and safer than looking into my own heart and swimming in my own feelings. Pursuing an unavailable guy is easier than remaining still, calm and introspective, because sitting with fears of intimacy is really hard.
In my pursuing, I focused my words on the men instead of on sharing my feelings with them. I would ask them what they were feeling and thinking and preach my thoughts and theories on why they were commitment phobic or emotionally unavailable. I would give them incentives to want me (“You know this relationship is good for you! You need to learn how to love and I can help you with that!”)
My inability to focus on unbuttoning my heart for men and instead targeting them as projects, made men feel controlled and managed. When you can stop focusing on him and start listening to your feelings like a seashell to the ear—hearing your inner depth and emotional ocean—you can lure a man in. You become the sea siren singing her song of emotion and spiritual self-discovery, and he’s compelled to come closer…
He then wants to know how to take care of you; how to understand himself through you; how to inspire more feelings in you for him… The phrases, the hypnotic whispers, which do this are the words that make a man fall in love.
My FREE Love Advice Newsletter will show you how to use communication to open a man up and expose the tender mushiness inside him from his hard shell—it’s an oyster-shucking lesson for women who have a hard time leading from their heart. It will show you how to feel grounded inside so that you can risk vulnerability and not be afraid of rejection. People think that vulnerability is weak—it’s the opposite. When you are vulnerable, you are brave and very wise. Hiding your feelings and instead having a needy vibe with tears in your eyes and anger in your “nice gestures” is what’s weak. Staying grounded and sharing your vulnerability moves mountains and allows a man to easily access your heart.
Also By Me: Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You!