Face and work out insecurities, childhood traumas, and irrational fears you have surrounding sex. Seek the help of a professional if you need to. My therapist was and is a lifesaver.
Face and work out any anger and resentment you have toward your man. Emotional problems seep quickly into the bedroom, and you won’t surrender to his affections if you are mad at him.
Try, as best you can, NOT to fill in the moments of awkwardness or stillness during lovemaking by jumping to please him or attempting to prove to him that you are a wonderful lover who’s up for lots of positions and can gyrate at an incredible speed. Try to do nothing in those moments and just surrender to the awkwardness until your body lets you know what it wants next.
Keep yourself open to accepting his gifts of passion. If he wants to give you long wet kisses, don’t rush him or reject them. Let him lead the way and ask yourself if you like the kisses. If so, surrender to them. If not, guide him to the pleasure you want, like softly taking his hand and placing it on your breast.
Try really hard not to watch yourself. Give your body and voice free range to move, wiggle, squeal, and giggle however you want. The best way to do this is to focus on one thing he is doing and let yourself bleed into that sensation. If he is inside you, concentrate on the walls of your vagina and how good he feels against them. This will take your mind off how you THINK you look and sound to him.
Don’t be afraid to encourage him by letting him know how great he’s doing: say, “You feel so good inside me,” or “Do you feel how wet you make me?” But be sure to MEAN the things you say. Don’t say them when you actually feel sore, chafed, tense, and anxious.
If you find yourself feeling numb, anxious, or annoyed by a position or his speed, slow down your breathing and tell him you want to switch it up or stop. I give you permission to take breaks for a bit during lovemaking, or to stop completely if you feel physically uncomfortable or emotionally overwhelmed.
Allow yourself to feel seen as a person, not just as a body to be used. Remember the movie Bridesmaids? Remember the sex in the beginning of the movie where he was jerking around in different positions and she was miserable and so disconnected from him? Don’t allow this. You deserve connection—and so does he, so connect with his eyes and let him see that you are grateful for his sex gifts.
Surrender to his effort to please by having an IMAGE: He’s your sexual hero, he’s the man of your dreams who wants nothing but to hold your feelings and take care of your sexual needs. He’s your willing and eager sexual servant, your protector who craves to be inside your soft, luscious body...
Tell yourself there is time for your orgasm! He has the time for you and enjoys working you up to a climax.