I have this belief about men: I believe ALL men want nothing more than to be good providers. I think every single one of them deeply desires the ability to provide his partner with things like safety, financial security, loyalty, patience, kindness, understanding, and great sex.
Yes, there are some men who don’t have confidence in their power to provide. (You see men like this today more than ever.) This lack of confidence makes many act controlling, jealous, arrogant, lazy, avoidant, childish, selfish, etc. However, these men and their issues are a different article.
The point I’m making here is this: If you act like a woman who truly and deeply appreciates a confident man’s gifts of love (his affection, luxury items like jewelry, chores accomplished around the house to ease your load, etc.), he will start feeling better and better about himself as a man and will want to continue breaking his back for more of your confidence-building gratitude.
And sex is no exception.
So, the best way to be a man’s dream lover? Stop trying to please him and start LETTING him gratify, satisfy, delight, excite, and IGNITE you with his sexual gifts!
Sure, a guy’s not going to turn down quality fellatio, but believe it or not, it’s how turned on YOU get during sex that makes or breaks it for him. And this is especially true if he wants to be in a relationship with you.
Think of yourself like a mirror, reflecting back to him how great he is in bed. The more you AUTHENTICALLY enjoy his touches, kisses, nibbles, and thrusts, the better of a lover he thinks he is. And the better a lover he thinks he is—you got it!—the better a lover he thinks YOU are!
Sounds so easy, right? “I just relax, focus on genuinely fulfilling my sexual needs and receiving pleasure, and he is left just as happy as a clam? That can’t be hard!”
Actually, it can be quite hard. It goes against everything many of us women have been taught, and it is really hard to do under the WRONG circumstances!
Many of us have been taught to be proper ladies. We’ve been taught to not talk about sex like it’s something slushy and juicy and dirty and musky and wild and sweaty and slippery. Even reading those adjectives on this page might make you blush or cringe. “Slippery and juicy? That’s kind of yucky.” Well, guess what? Your body doesn’t think so.
A few years back, before I starting making relationship advice a career, I spoke with quite a few sexually shy women. My ex-hubby was from a religious family and culture, and most of his female cousins and friends were shy about sex. They wanted to please their husbands in the bedroom and they wanted to enjoy sex, but they didn’t know how to relax enough, feel comfortable enough, and feel like they had permission enough to express their enjoyment fully.
They were so worried about the man’s pleasure that they never thought about their own. When I told them that a man’s pleasure was wrapped up in their pleasure, they were overwhelmed and afraid of looking not pleased enough in their man’s eyes.