Think of your heart as a pillow. I know that sounds silly, but it might help chip away any brittleness and loosen you up. Next time you're with a man and you feel anxious or closed-off, take a moment to visualize your heart as a pillow. What does it look like? Soft, fluffy, cozy and snuggly, right? Let this image of a "pillow heart" loosen any tension in your body, especially in your hips and face. Let yourself melt into your seat. Don't forget to breathe.
If you start to shake with nerves, it's okay. He'll feel flattered that he has the power to unnerve a pretty gal like yourself. What's important is that you invite him into your heart by softening any severe edges, so that he begins to feel encouraged to come closer.
You'll often hear smart, funny women say that men don't appreciate smart, funny women. That's simply not true. Men love intelligence and a great sense of humor. What a lot of men don't like is hostile energy, and unfortunately, a lot of smart and funny women have a hostile, masculine energy. Being really smart and witty and being neurotic usually go hand in hand. A little neurosis is charming, but a woman who overanalyzes everything isn't attractive to most men.
What attracts a man is her calm energy. This comes with trust and surrender. When you can trust that you and your date will have fun and enjoy one another — and when you can surrender to any variable that's out of your control (like his behavior) — then you make room for a connection to form.
Men want to share intimate moments with women who can stay in the present moment. Being in a calm, peaceful mindset on a date really makes a big difference. It allows you to relate to your date. It allows him to feel emotionally safe opening up and sharing himself with you. It allows you to be funny in an attractive way, which is more playful than being sarcastic and cynical.
Next time you go on a date, take some time beforehand to relax. Whether it's in a hot bubble bath or sitting outside under the shade of a peaceful tree, take a moment to get centered and to connect with your heart and soul. It will make a big difference in your ability to be intimate and tender.
Dating is the opposite of a job interview or a chit-chat with friends. A date is your time to be vulnerable, playful, and gentle. Think about the men who turn you on — they are the ones who can slow down and connect with you in a sensual and melodic way which makes you feel like the only woman in the room. It's time to make him feel like the only man in your universe—even if you are juggling three other guys on the side.
If you want to know more about what attracts a man to a woman, sign up for my Goddess Advice Newsletter. It's all about self-investigation, offering my readers tools and exercises to help them open their hearts to connection and calm their minds while in the presence of men. It won't just change your perspective on love, it will change your ability to capture the love of that special man. Also by me: Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You.