Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

Melt His Heart This Cold Holiday Season

Love

3 holiday love tips to thaw his iciness and help you get back to feeling like his #1 gift!

The New Year is approaching and there are so many new chances to connect with the man you love and have the relationship you deserve.

It’s time to put all the relationship mistakes you made in 2012 behind you and step into a new 365 days as a modern goddess who knows how to unleash the power of her heart over her man.

But right now I know that this time of year can be tough.

The holidays bring up so many feelings.  All these things we’ve been pushing down all year come surging to the surface with vengeance.  Suddenly, there we are at the holiday dinner table seated around loved ones and our man and staring down at turkey, mashed potatoes and heaps of betrayal and insecurity.

If you are like so many heartbroken women this season, I don’t want you to spend next Christmas season feeling this way.  The winter time is cozy and romantic and filled with colorful lights and glorious music—all of which you deserve to be sharing with him!

That is why I want to help you get to that place where you feel excited about the holidays and look forward to spending festive time with your man around the tree.  I'm here to help you to guide him to a loving place that’s filled with emotional security and passionate connection.

First things first, let me give you some quick tips to help bring him closer immediately:

Holiday Love Tip 1# Stop Offering Him So Much Of Your Energy

When you give a man too much space in your thoughts, you end up feeling drained and paranoid.  Suddenly you look and feel ragged around him and you're overanalyzing everything he says. 

The best way to stop your brain from being like a broken record that only plays his tune is to surrender to your thoughts and stop fighting them.  

Next time you feel your thoughts spiraling out of control and you find yourself obsessing over your relationship, become a witness to your mental chatter.  Watch these thoughts like an outsider and recognize that they are parasitic. 

Don’t indulge the thoughts but don’t fight against them either.   Simply acknowlegde them and then get up and go do something soothing and loving for your soul.  I call this a “soul want”.

A soul want allows you to escape your mind long enough to have a mini-break from obsessing over him.  It also allows you to refocus your energy on where it should be—looking after you. 

A soul want is something small like a trip to get a mani-pedi or a walk around the neighborhood.  You’d be surprised how just getting up and getting out to take some fresh air into your lungs can really comfort your heart and ease your invasive thoughts.

A soul wants helps take off the edge and can stop you from acting on obsessing thinking.

Holiday Love Tip #2  Sit On Your Hands

Usually when we have obsessive thoughts we want to find a solution.  It’s very important that you refrain from trying to find a way to solve your issues and hook him back in. The next time you find yourself obsessing over solutions, stop yourself in your tracks and make a pact with yourself that you will not do anything for the relationship or for him.

Refrain from buying him things, calling and texting him, asking him if he needs any emotional support or catering to him with home-cooked meals and date plans.

Instead just “sit on your hands” and do nothing.  Give yourself a soul want, but don’t do anything to yank him toward you.

See, he wants you to be available but he doesn’t want you chasing him down.   Give him a chance to come toward you.  Even if he’s somewhat emotionally unavailable, and you feel like he will forget about you if you don’t jump hoops to keep yourself in front of his face, I promise you that he will feel safer coming toward you if you back off.  Trust that you are enough and stay still.

Holiday Love Tip #3  Be A Great Receiver

Once you are self-providing soul wants and sitting on your hands, you have to make sure to stay emotionally available to receiving his attention and affection.

I promise that he will come closer as you ease off and let him near you.  Ever try to coax a stray kitty from under a car?  You have to give it space.  He's like a kitty and needs you to let him come closer at his pace.

When he comes close, be welcoming.  Be available to hear what he has to say or to answer his questions about how you’ve been.  Don’t jump to fill in all the silences, but play an easy game of tennis with him where he asks and question and then you do.

When he says something that appeals to you, tell him; “That was sweet of you to say.”  When he does something to upset you, tell him that, too; “You know, I feel really upset that you haven’t called for a few days.”

I know you’re afraid that he will think you're needy if you tell him how he upsets you, but if you continue to sit on your hands and simply voice your truth with an open heart, he’ll realize that you're no pushover and that will make your price tag SOAR!

Also By Kristina:  Red Rose Woman:  The Enchantress Inside You

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR