Exposing your vulnerability is scary, especially if you are used to relating with men from a mental and/or physical place (your conversation or your sex). In Inspire His Love for You, Ms. Jeanette and I offer the forcefield technique to help women feel more comfortable getting out of their heads and into their hearts.
Imagine you have a forcefield around you every time you relate with men. Inside the forcefield walls, you are safe to feel whatever you want and speak these feelings without worrying whether you will be judged. You are emotionally FREE within your forcefield. You can relax into your feelings, take time to take inventory of your feelings and expose your feelings without worry of being attacked for having them.
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To help feel safe within an imaginary forcefield, make sure you can feel the impenetrability of your forcefield’s walls. Are they made up of powerful, atom-blasting energy, like a forcefield in a SCIFI movie? Are they a ring of fire, singeing every male rejection that dares to touch its flame? Is the forcefield wall made of the wallpaper from your room as a child where you always felt safe to go. I worked with one woman who imagined she was inside her favorite teddy bear from childhood. Don’t judge your choice (or the idea of the forcefield), just allow your mind to get creative about finding a way to make you feel COMFORTABLE & SAFE within your personal space.
Most people who have a hard time expressing vulnerability have been shamed in some way in the past when they once shared their feelings. Probably as a child, someone (a parent, sibling, peer, teacher) repeatedly shamed (or ignored) them, and now they have a hard time exposing their true emotions (or even knowing what they are).
A forcefield helps you tackle this IRRATIONAL fear that many of us have– this fear that something harmful will happen to us if we share our feelings. A lot of women have a hard time sharing feelings with men, feeling that the man is going to violate their openness in some way. It’s a very scary feeling that isn’t understood as much as it is felt deep down. A forcefield allows you to trust enough to allow your deep fears to subside enough for vulnerability to surface inside you and come out.
Next time you are with a man, remind yourself that you are safe inside your forcefield walls and that you can: melt into a man’s touch, let your eyes linger on his when he speaks to you, giggle at his teasing, cry at his wounding words, etc.
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Exposing, sharing your vulnerability fully with a man may even make you feel so nervous, you’ll shake. Let yourself tremble. It’s okay to expose your nerves around a man. It’s normal for a lot of women to cry at the gentle, caring touch of a man, especially if she has never allowed herself to melt into his touch. Let him see, feel, hear (experience FULLY) YOUR emotional experience. It will make him feel honored to know you so well. It will melt his heart for you.