When he pulls back, it’s your time to have an intimate relationship with yourself. Think of his taking space as a chance to self-reflect and decide if you really do want to be with him.
Self-Reflection When He Pulls Back
Do you like who you are as a girlfriend? As a woman? Do you feel dignified and proud of the way you’ve acted in the relationship? Forget about what he says about you or what you think he needs (stop analyzing him) and instead take the time when he pulls back to evaluate yourself in a healthy way.
Evaluating yourself as a girlfriend, friend, lover, confidante, intimate partner, etc. is not about beating up on yourself. You’re already feeling down and in the muck. This is simply a chance to show yourself that you actually do have a lot of worth and things to offer any man if you look closely. It’s also a way for you to feel proactive about your love life, giving yourself something to improve upon while feeling totally out of control when it comes to him.
Maybe you’ll realize some surprising things. Maybe you’ll see that your main problem as a girlfriend is that you pick “limited” men or that you stay in sour relationships too long. Maybe it’s not about you having flaws but you coveting and nurturing flawed relationships.
Do You Really Want To Be With Him?
When he pulls back it automatically makes us want him more. We strap on our fighting gear and we do what it takes to win his heart once more. But the truth is that a lot of women (I have this problem too) would rather fight for love (at least we feel more comfortable doing so) than be in love.
I struggled for years with intimacy issues and if you find that you burn way too much of your mental and emotional energy on unrequited love with men when they pull back, you probably have intimacy issues, too.
Be honest with yourself: Are you more in love with him now that he pulls back? Do you know he’s the one only now that he's pulled back, when before you weren’t sure? Do you really think that him pulling back is about the relationship or is it that he has some emotional unavailability that you can’t allow yourself to accept?
You live one life. Do you want to spend it wondering and worrying if a man will love you again? This is an especially good question if you’ve only been dating him six months or so. If you’re married to him for years, perhaps your relationship just needs a wake-up call and a little CPR. It all depends. However, the important thing now is not him; it’s you and your sense of self-worth and emotional security with or without him.