When he feels like there is room to return and feel things out without the enormous pressure of not crushing your heart to the point of stripping you of happiness and self-worth, he will more likely return. He may want to try it again, but he certainly doesn’t want to destroy you and cause you more pain. If he feels a desperate, panicky neediness from you, he’ll stay back because he doesn’t want to crack an already fragile egg.
How To Get Him Back Tip #2: Don’t force things. During their first marriage, Bonnie and Will were very young and full of ambition. Like most go-getters, they wanted to succeed at everything they did. Not only did they both want a grand professional career, they wanted the perfect marriage and family; "I wanted it all and so did Will. We wanted to make the highschool sweetheart story work!"
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Both Bonnie and Will worked so hard at the marriage. She worked hard by being the perfect Suzy Homemaker and “nice wife.” He worked hard by being Mr. Provider and trying to please her every chance he got.
Well, what the heck happened? Bonnie claims that she lost herself in trying to be what she thought he wanted; she became disconnected from who she actually was and how she felt inside. When he tried to please her, she couldn’t get in touch with her feelings enough to know what it was she needed from him, and she didn’t trust herself and the marriage enough to be honest about her needs and vulnerable to receiving his acts of love.
Will got more and more resentful of her inability to receive, and instead of backing off and allowing her space to come to him with her needs, he slaved to give her things she didn’t really want or need. As a result, the resentment grew and his self-esteem plummeted.
The second time around, they were both 45 years old. They were more confident and were also just too tired to work so hard at love. Bonnie didn’t have the energy or the desire to be a great "girlfriend on paper" and Will now had a successful carpet business and didn’t need to prove his worth by slaving to provide for her all the time. He wasn’t sensitive to rejection as much either. As a result, they were able to connect on a more natural level. Bonnie was able to be herself, not hiding behind a mask of “wife extraordinaire” and Will was able to be more patient and take rejection less personally.
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It’s important that you don’t force things now. Don’t try to be perfect to "hook" him or focus on manipulating him into loving you. Don’t try to force the relationship to happen, and don’t be like Will and wrap yourself up in resentments and a need to define your self-worth through his appreciation for you.