In essence, you just have to make sure that when you open up about negative feelings, you are still making room for him to come closer. You are still allowing him to make good on his mistakes and to comfort you. So no blaming, no silent treatment, no screaming, no foot-stomping, and no pouting. If he doesn't want to hear your feelings or doesn't care about your feelings (out of a sense of rejection or simply out of selfish indifference), you have to still remain firm in not rewarding him for bad behavior.
In other words, if he ignores your feelings, you don't do or say anything loving back! Even if he ignores you for weeks afterward. You simply wait, siting on your hands for as long as if takes for him to approach you again, and, if you are still upset, you must again state your feelings. This will show him that you are not a pushover and this will make him see that loving you requires accountability and structure. How To Be Empowered In Your Relationship
More from YourTango: How To Act When He Needs Space
Accountability and structure will actually make an emotionally unavailable man feel more trusting of you and safer to come closer. If he comes toward you in a loving way and you are happy to see him and have his attention, then you have to "melt" into his advances. Say "thank you" to his compliments, or "mmm, that's so yummy" when he touches you in a way that feels good. It's a reward system where you are rewarding him with appreciation and love when he does something good for you and your relationship.
Loving an emotionally unavailable man is difficult. It's wearing on your soul and it can end up hurting you a lot. Many unavailable men cheat or find ways to always stay distant emotionally. Some never fully feel comfortable coming close, even when they trust you. This is because closeness is so foreign for them, it's uncomfortable to the point of irritable and they would rather just end up doing what feels more natural.
However, some men are capable of real closeness and true intimacy. They just need a little inspiration to get back to that place with you. Sometimes a man comes on strong and then backs out and we label him a commitment-phobe. But that isn't always true. He may just not have the tools to communicate what he needs and why things aren't working for him, so he just backs away silently instead. Top 10 Tips For Building Loving Relationships
In Inspire His Love for You, Sarah Jeanette and I talk about how to:
- Communicate with a man about your feelings to open him up to discussing his feelings.
- Open your heart more to live more freely in the moment and in your body as the kind of free-spiritied, sensual woman a man is hopelessly drawn to.
- Heal insecurities and fears that make you feel you have to "pull" him toward you when he distances himself
- And much, much more.
Our eprogram is a guide to love and togetherness.
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