Before I sign out today, though, I want to say that it takes two to play tug-of-war!
In pain cycles, most of us either blame the other person, feeling the comfort in being a victim, or we blame ourselves, constantly worrying that we should improve ourselves to improve the connection with the one we love. Both stances are self-defeating.
No one is ever innocent of any charges in a toxic relationship (if things are bad you take proactive steps to turn things around for yourself instead of start to blame). No one person is entirely guilty either: a person cannot repeatedly wound you unless you allow him or her to and that would make you masochistic. A guess what? Every single masochist has a sadistic side that comes out just as strong at certain moments (even if it’s in the form of passive aggressive behavior.)
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So don’t complain, blame, make threats to a man you think is a bad guy, just ask yourself, “Even though he isn’t acting like the man I want him to, do I trust that he loves me and is willing and able to hear me, see me and make adjustments for our love?” If the answer is no, please think about packing and starting a noxious-man detox now.