"I feel myself trying to be charming, and then I realize I’m obviously trying to be charming, and then I try to be even more charming to make up for the fake charm, and then I’ve basically turned into Liza Minnelli: I’m dancing in tights and sequins, begging you to love me. There’s a bowler and jazz hands and lots of teeth.” -- Gillian Flynn, Gone Girl
If the title of this article, What Men Look For, actually inspired you to want to read it then maybe you too are showing a little too much teeth in your relationship: worrying too much about what a man wants instead of asking yourself if your relationship works for you.
What do men look for in a woman? While this can be a question of significance, what’s more significant is the question-- What do I want in life and out of love?
Do you want to be happy? Do you want to stop riding the emotional rollercoasters of bad relationships? Do you want life and love to be easybreezy and filled with laughter, calm, kindness and as little stress as possible?
Most of us want these things. The problem is that most of us don’t live our lives in ways that cultivate these things.
You are reading this article because you’re fighting for the love of a special man or are single and looking for a man. You aren’t satisfied and maybe a little desperate. You want to know the secrets to being irresistible; you want to arm yourself with the magical tools that will bring him back or snag you a brand new Mr. Amazing.
But let’s just forget about your motives for a second. Let’s forget that you are anxious and beyond eager to get this man back in your life or to find one. Instead let’s talk about having those things I mentioned earlier. After all, aren’t those things your real target? If you can have a happy life and achieve peace of mind, who really cares if the particular man is in your life, right?
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Let’s talk about finding peace of mind. Let’s talk about opening your heart and letting light inside you…
Go take a walk after you finish reading this article. Get up, leave your phone and go out and explore your neighborhood. What do you see that inspires you to want to be alive today? Tiny-yet-determined weeds sprouting up between cracks in the sidewalk? Rustling tree leaves and the fluttering petals of pretty flowers? Maybe there’s a mother strolling with her baby and the family dog?
While you walk, listen to the sounds around you. Feel the pavement (or dusty dirt road) collide with the soles of your shoes. Wave at a neighbor; swing into the local bakery and buy a delicious pastry. Pluck a few flowers from a public park to arrange on your dining table.
With every step you take, ask God (or the universe) to show you the answers to life and to give you the focus to pay attention to everything happening around you on the walk—especially the mini-miracles. I refer to anything that warms your heart as a mini-miracle.
When you come home, while you unlace your tennis shoes and wipe the sweat from your brow, ask yourself a question: What if I trained my mind to treat every moment in my life like this walk? What if every moment in life were just a leisurely-yet-brisk, sight-seeing stroll?
Would you still worry so much about the state of your love life or would you enjoy men more? Would you stay entangled in bad relationships or would you naturally (without struggle and forcing) seek out happy, stable, comforting relationships? Would you whine, complain and nag less? Would you exhaust energy on trying to be someone you aren't? Would you get angry at things outside your control? Would you focus on finding a man who makes you look good to others or a man’s whose company you actually like? Would you fight to win with men and other loved ones or would you naturally (again, I use that word) avoid drama and pain? Would you tune out the hurt and instead let present-moment-inspired LOVE pour inside your heart more often?
What men look for is exactly what women look for: someone too be their light, someone to be their perfect walking-around-the-neighborhood-of-life partner. Most men however are like most women: they think that it’s their partner’s job to inspire them to want to be happy—to throw open the doors, hands them their tennis shoes, encourage them to step outside and then proceed to give them the guided tour.
And aren’t you the same way and just as guilty? Aren’t you looking for some man to guide you to a happy life instead of doing so by yourself, for you!
When you change your mindset, open your heart, heighten your senses and live in the world more (whatever that means to you—being social or being alone in nature), you will find that a certain man will just happen along your path. And his path will be similar to yours. You both will walk together, commenting on the sights and sounds around you, and eventually, if you’re open-hearted and vulnerable to him, you both will hold hands as you walk the same road.
The only men you will ever have in your life are those that walk the road you currently walk. So ask yourself if your current path is the needy one that requires you to strut Fosse-style with your best jazz hands flailing about. If so then you will continue to find yourself in relationships that promote neediness and a lack of self-worth.
If you’re tired of living life like it's a Liza Minnelli tribute, check out my eBook Red Rose Woman: The Enchantress Inside You It'll guide you back to what I call your little-girl heart, so that you can rediscover the wonderment around you. What men look for in a woman is childlike happiness, malleability and playfulness, and isn’t that what you're looking to feel in your heart, too? He falls in love with you the more you fall in love with life, not with him, but with life. Remember that.