Surrendering (which was part of the message presented in the article I read) is a beautiful concept in spirituality, and when you love in the truest form, you surrender. To surrender is to TRUST and to selflessly love. Everyone wants to love their spouse and show that love, but most of us are afraid that we'll feel slighted or resentful if we make efforts that go unappreciated. Surrendering is the holy "letting go" of the attached negative feelings -- the dropping of the bitterness and hurt that comes with being result-oriented. I call selfless acts the product of ‘love-based giving’, and this form of giving is the ULTIMATE act of love. The more I do it in my relationship, the more love I feel, over time, for my partner. However, sometimes, it's hard. Sometimes, I need to be appreciated! I ain't the Dalai Lama, for Christ's sake.
So, as wonderful and healing to the heart as love-based giving can be, surrender is not always a realistic choice. As humans, we can't help but feel upset about a one-sided relationship... or a one-sided parenting team, for that matter. But if we can learn to honor and respect the connection we have with our partner (a worshipping of the space between, if you will), we might be able to stop yelling, blaming, arguing and victimizing ourselves (I did all these in my marriage) and start working together to 'raise the child' (develop and strengthen the blessed union). After all, a marriage is bigger and more sacred than the sum of its two human parts. It is like the blessed child-- the holy product of imperfection. It is a true miracle-- a divine bond born of two flawed creatures (which we all are). For these reasons, it deserves our humanly best.
How beautiful is that idea-- a commited partnership being more than me and having needs of its own? I'd say it's profound, and more importantly, it makes me want to call my man and tell him that I'll do my best to dutifully honor and serve the love between us.