So, there you are, with selective hearing, set on making him see the light. You do EVERYTHING you can for him. You cook for him, give him sex when he wants it, play therapist and even become his best buddy. You work so hard for his attention and his devotion. You slave and service while chalking up his lack of availability and commitment as wounds from childhood that left him scared and shy.
You make every excuse for him. You think that if you just love him enough, he will finally know the care and touch of a real, loving woman. You think that if you cater to him and be the best sex he’s ever had, that he won’t know how to live without you.
But he will. Even if the sex is amazing, he’ll still move on fine without you. In fact, the guys I was dumped by both called me months after the fact for hot sex. Of course I declined, but that just showed me that I wasn’t dumped for the sex, I was dumped for some who-knows-what reason that I’ll never know. Not to mention how I wasn't even respected enough to be left in peace.
The point is that you can’t try and be amazing just to get the guy to commit. He has to have that unexplained attraction to you, and if he doesn’t now, he never will.
He’ll appreciate your efforts, he’ll care for you, he’ll even be there as your friend for life, but no amount of chasing and catering will make him love you more.
Get Out Of The Clouds & Put Up Some Personal Boundaries
If you are in an imaginary relationship, wanting to believe that you two are a couple but knowing deep down that you aren’t, stop filling in the spaces where he has a lack of interest in the relationship. Stop compensating for him and instead make a list.
Make a list of all the things you want out of a relationship. Do you want to be cherished as a priority? Do you want to feel emotionally safe and loved unconditionally by a man who has given you a verbal commitment?
Once you have your list, get strong and tell him what you want. When he calls you, tell him exactly how this ‘arrangement’ makes you feel inside and why it isn’t working for you; “I feel uncertain and insecure. I don’t want to be in a sexual arrangement with a man. I want a serious commitment with a man who knows for sure that he loves me and wants to be with me.”
Then say no more and wait to see what he tells you. If he back-paddles or flat-out tells you that he’s already told you “no”, turn that imaginary relationship into a no contact situation.
I know you’re thinking, “But I love him”. But guest what? You’re stronger than you think and you deserve more. There's so many men in this world and there's one just waiting to love you, commit to you and never let you go.