Don’t only throw around ideas when on a date, but instead, speak about your feelings and provoked physical sensations to create an intimate connection. Refrain from trying to impress him with cerebral conversation or too much humor. These are both defense mechanisms and walls to intimacy. Instead use words to express and expose how life has directly affected your underbelly.
When telling a man a story (or conversing about a subject), talk about how an event (or an issue) touched you. So, for example, instead of intellectually dissecting the structure of a film you just saw together, talk about how it made you feel and what senses it stimulated; “That moment when the mother kissed her son—I felt like a child again, so soothed inside. I could smell the warm bread she was baking in that kitchen.”
More from YourTango: How To Act When He Needs Space
Share your feelings openly with him and give him a sense of the poetic side of you. This allows for connection through what I call "sensory bonding." Sensory bonding is when someone bonds with another over a shared sensory experience. Sensory bonding on a first date makes a man think, “There’s something about her that I connect with on this unspoken level. I feel like there’s a commonality of life. The way she expresses herself, it makes me feel myself and I can see that we understand each other on a deep level.” It makes him feel connected to your soul and to his own life force. He feels truly alive inside, just like what poetry does to a person.
Soothe & Comfort Him As You Listen
Some people would argue that a sensual woman sacrifices her sensitivity to indulge herself in the pleasure of the now. But I argue that a sensual woman is sensual in more than just the 5 physical senses of sight, touch, sound, taste and smell. She is also extremely sensitive and empathic to the emotional needs of those around her, making sensitivity her 6th sense. She knows how to feel out the silent spaces hinged between the words of another person.
When on a first date, chances are you aren’t going to have to comfort and soothe a man’s extreme feelings of despair or anguish like you would if he were a friend in crisis. But you can still take opportunities to make him feel like you are a blanket around his emotions, calming and caressing them quiet and calm.
Know those li’l jackets they sell for doggies that hold them tight during a thunderstorm? The pressure around the dogs’ midsections makes them feel soothed. Well, I want you to be like one of these li’l jackets because that's where true intimacy breeds.
When your date starts opening up, take the opportunity to not just listen, but to hear his feelings. If he talks about his stressful job and all his responsibilities there, tell him what you see as he speaks; “Wow. That sounds stressful.”
More from YourTango: An Online Dating Study Asks: Are Men Attracted To Cheaters?
Then follow it up with a validating comment that makes him feel supported; “It's commendable that you can wake up every morning and face those kinds of challenges head-on.”