Do you feel like your partner doesn't hear you? Do differences of opinion end in arguments?
Do you often hear couples say we have communication problems?
Do you know couples who hardly talk to each other? Or Couples that try to discuss an issue but end up in a screaming match?
It seems reasons couples have difficulty are that couples often feel something is wrong if their partner disagrees with them. Which often results in an argument where a couple gets stuck in a heated battle to get the other to agree.
The other reason is that couples have trouble understanding the dynamics in their relationship.
Tip #1 Get to Really Know Each Other
The biggest problem couples face is dealing with the fact that partners are two different individuals. Before a couple gets together each has begun life with different temperaments as well as strengths and weaknesses that are biological. In addition, they may come from two different cultural backgrounds. Each of us in raised in a unique family that most probably involved both positive and negative experiences, as well as family dynamics and traditions.
School and life experiences can be very dissimilar. Biologically, people have their own learning styles. Some people can be very smart but have had a learning disability that may have effected their self-esteem. They have also most probably had distinctive friendships as well as romantic relationships by the time they meet each other.
After the honeymoon phase is over, their can be a lot of misunderstandings because words and phrases can be very imprecise. Learning about each others perspective is very important. Also trying to understand what the other person means when they use phrases or words can really help to understand each others perspectives.
Tip #2 Instead of Wrong it might just be Different
The problem is not that people do not talk to each other but they have a difficulty continuing the conversation when they disagree.
As the argument continues emotions start to get heated and people aren't able to think clearly. Often this is because we have the idea that the way we think, feel and take action is the right way. As disagreements continue, each partner may try to convince the other that they are right and the other is wrong.
This can be a hurtful process. Feelings get hurt. Partners frequently feel attacked and criticized. Each automatically can get defensive, and instead of working out the problem the anger can just get out of control.
When partners feel the charge of anger they may start putting the other down which leads to more hurt and anger.
Tip #3 Avoid Talking to Each Other In The Heat of Anger
Anger is a very important emotion. It can tell us many things. It can let us know our feelings have been hurt or emotionally, anger can signal us that something isn't right for us.
However, there is our internal feeling of anger, the discharge of anger and the behavior of the expression of the emotion.
Some people become very overwhelmed, loud and/or aggressive when they become angry. To try to discuss anything with your partner in this condition is a recipe for disaster.Take time to work through the intensity of the emotion before having a discussion.
Tip #4 Try to Understand The Situation From the Other's Point of View
One of the biggest problems in trying to talk your partner is that most of us are stuck on our point of view and have a hard time listening to the other.
Take turns listening to each others point of view. Ask for clarification. Make sure each person has a chance to fully express themselves. You might even repeat back what you thought you heard. Most of us feel better when we feel heard or understood.
You may have to agree to disagree. Or sometimes the couple can be at an impasse which may take time to work through.
Tip #5 Ask for What You Need
Sometimes couples experience much frustration and resentment because partners sometimes have unrealistic expectations of each other. They wish their partner would just know what they need. Almost be able to read their mind. If you need or want something from your partner it is important to help them to understand what you need. It helps if one can speak diplomatically, and discuss issues which may make you uncomfortable, as well as what you enjoy and what concerns you.
These tips can be very helpful in communicating more effectively and having less stress in your relationship. However, even if you communicate the best way possible, there will be ways in which you disagree and needs that you wish your partner could meet that they can't. Sometimes we grieve unmet needs and/or understand that one person can't be everything to the other.