In 2004 He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo was released and sparked a huge conversation in the dating world. This conversation helped them land a movie deal as well. I read this book in 2006 when I started my dating adventures after my divorce. I really enjoyed it, but something did not quite fit for me. So I put it down and went on my merry dating way.
It is obvious that Greg truly cares about women. He put out a guy’s perspective without sugar coating the whole deal. For some women that is enough to stop being treated poorly by the men in their lives. He told us very clearly when a guy is sincerely interested in you, and when he’s not. He told us to stop wasting our time with guys who aren’t. For me what was glaringly obvious was that he was tired of women being treated poorly because of their own illusions about romance. He was trying to save us tons of heartache by making us understand that most of the time we are the rule not the exception. (RULE: if he treats you a certain way then he is not into you)
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As insightful as Greg’s advice still is, for me it was missing a HUGE component. His suggestions eliminate a lot of men out there. For me, had I taken Greg’s advice I would have missed the biggest love of my life. My dating adventures would have been over before they started, and my career as a dating and romance coach was unlikely to be born. I had become the exception, and now I teach women to do the same.
Greg was teaching women to have better boundaries which are absolutely necessary when dating. For a nice dating experience, this is the best place to start. Still, I am not seeking out women who want just a nice dating experience. I want women to learn that they can be adored for the rest of their lives, and know that they can almost always be the exception. To do this, you will need much more than just better boundaries.
1. You have to be willing to enjoy the adventure and quit choke holding the destination
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Dating is a magical journey, and a few things must happen for you fully harness the experience. Number one is you have to make up your mind to enjoy the ride, if you go into this thinking it’s a pain in the arse, well then it will be and so will you. If you decide to open yourself up to the possibilities then we can work with you Number two, I want you to define the destination whether it be marriage, boyfriend, lover, lovers, etc., and then I want you to toss the destination into the stars and say “I’ll see you soon.” Here’s the secret, the more you are enjoying the journey and adventure, the quicker the destination will arrive.
2. If you have decided all men are cheating, lying, f*cktards go ahead and start getting your cat collection together