Dating After Divorce: 10 Crucial Steps, Part 1

2. Understand that divorce is an opportunity

OOOh Jenn, that sounds so insensitive, how could you say that? I can say it because I know from first hand experience that it is true. Let’s be completely open here. Very few women who are truly happy with their relationship end in divorce. Even when a women is surprised that her husband leaves her for another woman, if she is completely honest there was something in the relationship that didn’t work on a core level. Most of the time there was something significant missing within her that needed to be fulfilled in order to be truly happy. Divorce is your opportunity to discover just that.

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Case in point: Me. My marriage was several years of focusing solely on my ex-husband. We spent a couple years in marriage counselling trying to figure out what was going to make us work. I spent an insane amount of time trying to fit into his world. When I asked him for a divorce, I realized that I had absolutely no clue who I was, what lit me up as a person, and what made me happy. Divorce gave me the self understanding needed to finely define my own identity.

Divorce is also your chance to part with any titles such as survivor, martyr, or victim. Here’s the thing, I teach women to be adored by men. These titles while definitive of a situation you experienced are not what you want to be adored for. Not only that but they also draw a very bold line between you and men. Do you want him to want you because you’ve been through stuff? Eighty-five percent of the population has been through stuff these days. Or do you want to be wanted based on your complete spiritual, emotional, and physical package?

When you see divorce as your personal opportunity, you are personally empowered. In every opportunity there is amazing growth and experience to encounter.

3. Stop calling yourself divorced

I give you complete permission to stop referring to yourself as divorced. You are single and sassy. Say it out loud… “I am single and sassy.” Now say “I am divorced.” Which one feels better? From here on out when asked reply in a fun,sassy, cheeky tone “I am single ” (Wink optional, but a lot of fun with a member of the opposite sex)

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I almost never referred to myself as divorced. There are very few instances where it is truly necessary to indicate. Even though the divorce rate is sky high, the term divorced still carries a lot of stigma, especially self imposed stigma. There is no real reason to keep showcasing your red letter D on you unless you are truly committed to a life without joy. Remember you are no longer a divorce martyr, victim, or survivor. You are my sexy single siren preparing to be adored by men and live the life you want to live.