In the U.S. currently 45 to 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.* These numbers strike several different chords with me. I remember very well asking my ex-husband for a divorce. It was one of the most heartbreaking and lonely feelings I have ever experienced in my entire life. I was certain that the months following were going to be some of the most excruciating to date, but I figured that was my penance for no longer having the desire to work it out with him. Little did I know that I couldn’t have been more wrong.
What actually followed was a whirlwind of romance, adventure, and the birth of my life’s passion. I discovered that my penance only existed if it was self imposed. For the first time in a very long time I felt like I was living, I could literally feel the blood pulsing through my veins. I was a giddy school girl most of time, and people around me took notice. For the first time in my life I was dating, truly dating, being courted, and being adored.
More from YourTango: Sexual Pleasure & Dating 101
I enjoyed dating so much that I started studying and would devour most things that I could find on the subject. I tested many dating theories, and started developing my own based on what I knew worked. Before I realized it I had many women calling me for coaching on the subject. They too were having as much fun as me, and inspiring men to adore them.
Bottom line, divorce in itself is difficult enough. Dating after divorce is your lifeline from the black cloud of yuck that looms over us after divorce. Yet for me to tell you to just get out there and date is the equivalent of you sitting still in a herd of hyenas with meat packs on. You are likely to get crushed. Instead, let’s create something much different for you.
1. It’s time to redefine your fairy tale
You can start by tossing your required grieving period out the window. With movies in main stream society such as “Hope Floats” and “Diary of a Mad Black Woman” it is easy to see why many women get caught in the idea that a required grieving period will lead to your new prince charming running in to save you. In reality, this is very rarely the case. With your required grieving period you are more likely to turn it into an extended grieving period and go for years without a man in your life or jump straight into another relationship that leaves you unfulfilled on many levels.
Actually the idea of grieving the loss of the relationship is absolutely necessary. The flawed thinking occurs when you count on grieving alone to heal your wounds and prepare you for another shot at happily ever after. The truth is that to truly heal we have to have a profound element of fun in our lives. Being okay is not the same as being healed. Healed comes from laughter, joy, and love. So why not have a side of fun with your grief?
More from YourTango: 20 Rules For Your First Online Date
More Juicy Content From YourTango: