Domestic Violence is more common than you think. How do you set yourself free?
Being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
However, anger is usually the go to emotion in the breakdown of a relationship and the longer you hold on to grudges or resentment towards your ex it would slowly kill you!
Recently, I have been working with someone who had been in an abusive relationship for 14 years; the abuse was mental abuse. Often, when we hear the word abuse we think of physical abuse but domestic violence takes many forms; all of which leaves the victim with low self-esteem, a lack of confidence and feeling stuck.
In the case of my client she had been thrown out onto the street with no money and only the clothes she was standing in. She was at the lowest point in her life and this was not the first time this had happened but, she vowed it would be the last! Is this you?
Now I know many men as well as women have shared a similar experience as my client; every time an abusive act occurs you vow not to let this happen again, even though you know based on past experience it is only a matter of time before it happens again.
Why do we do this?
Because our subconscious mind likes things that are familiar; even if they do not serve our greater good.
The abuser manipulates the victim making them feel like they will never be free. If this is something that you are experiencing at this moment the good news is that you can be free.
First thing first have a plan.
1. SAVE MONEY
When you escape you will need to provide for yourself and maybe even your family. Open a bank account in your own name and save as much money as you can. This is much easier if you have a job, but make sure the abuser doesn't find it.
2. FIND ACCOMODATION
Research where you would like to live, how much does it cost to live there and what references you will need.
3. DAILY AFFIRMATION
Believe in yourself and know that you will break free! Start each day by telling yourself "everything will work out as I plan, I am worthy of a wonderful life." By doing this everyday you will be amazed at how quickly your confidence and self-esteem increases.
Pretend to show the abuser that everything is as it usually is. You don't want them to smell a rat and scupper your plan.
6. EXIT STRATEGY
When you are ready to leave, plan it very very carefully. Don't let anyone or anything stand in your way; you are a powerhouse! Know the times when the abuser will not be home and plan your escape.
7. BE RESILIENT
When the abuser returns home to find you've escaped, they will be very very angry! If they call your cell phone don't answer. This is crucial if you are going to be free to build the new life that you deserve. If text messages come in delete them, in fact I believe it is a good idea to delete their number completely. Don't go scrolling around social media sites giving key pieces of information as to your whereabouts. If you need to advise your employer of the situation in case the abuser shows up at your place of work. you escape you will need to provide for yourself and maybe even your family. Open a bank account in your own name and save as much money as you can. This is much easier if you have a job, but make sure the abuser doesn't find it.
Having escaped, the key to being completely free is to forget about the past and leave the grudges behind; they are toxic making you feel miserable.
Instead start to focus on the good things that are in your life. What have you learned from the experience? Everything that happens in life is a learning experience and it is these experiences that makes you the unique person that you are.
Have an attitude of gratitude. Everyday make a list of 10 things that you are grateful for; this helps to keep you focused on positivity.
Make new friends! This is critical as you want to break free from all of those people connected with your previous realtionship.
In time you may discover that you want to return to the dating game, just make sure this time you show up knowing what you want. Write out an extensive profile of the kind of person you want to date. Put in as much detail as you possibly can like hair color, car that they drive, clothes they wear, job they have, etc. The purpose of this is, what you put out to the universe, the universe will bring your request to you. This is true for all your thoughts. Make sure that all of your thinking is what you expect to recieve; you may or may not know your thoughts become things!
Be FREE from negative thinking. Thank your abuser for all that they have taught you and be FREE from grudges so you can be FREE to enjoy the life that you deserve.
YOU ARE WORTH IT!