Whether or not you want to admit it, these red flags spell trouble for your relationship.
Of all the topics regarding relationships, perhaps the trickiest subjects to cover are those that pertain to relationships ending. We deny, we turn our cheek, we bury our heads in the sand all to avoid seeing the end of a relationship; but the ending is still there, looming before us, whether we choose to accept it or not.
Sometimes we tell ourselves that we never saw it coming and perhaps this is true. The need to avoid seeing that a relationship is ending can be so strong that we never become aware of the signs. In my work as a Tarot Intuitive Counselor and Master Life Coach, I have helped thousands as they made a transition within their relationship. The following three signs are among the most prevalent when a relationship is coming to a close.
- You Are No Longer Sexually Aligned: Though sexuality is often considered superficial, sexual health is extremely important in a relationship. Things wax and wane, but I have counseled couples who have gone months and even years without sexually pleasing one another. Being out of alignment sexually can occur for any number of reasons, but it is a major sign that there is something unbalanced in the relationship. Whether it's mounting resentments that keep you from engaging or even resistance to connecting sexually with one another, it's important to pay attention to the sexual health of a relationship. Opening an honest and safe dialogue if you notice that things are declining in this area is crucial towards shifting the tide. This is not a time to be confrontational or use it as a pity party but to honestly discuss what is happening.
- Picking Fights: This is often considered to be part of the female shadow aspect, but both partners fall victim to this tendency. If you are constantly picking fights, nit picking their faults or generally being difficult to get along with, this is a sign of something being out of balance. Whether you are using your partner as a scapegoat or a battering ram, it's not healthy to create conflict where no conflict need exist. It's typically a sign that you either want them to do the dirty work for you or that you are holding on to resentments, and rather than dealing with things head-on you are using small, unrelated things to unleash your frustration. It's important to ask yourself why you are creating conflict and if there is something underneath all of this that is the root of the issue. If you realize that you are using his socks being on the floor as a scapegoat for forgetting your anniversary or that secretly you are unhappy and are hoping to make him so as well, then you can begin to have a dialogue with what should come next.
- Listen To Your Body: This is perhaps the most important thing I will discuss in this article. I've touched on the fact that when we experience the declining or shifting of a relationship we have a tendency to ignore the signs that are right in front of us but it’s hard to ignore what our bodies are telling us. Much sooner than the heart or the mind, our bodies often know far in advance that something is rotten in Denmark. It’s important to listen to what our bodies are telling us. Do we tense up around our lover? Do we feel anxious or wake in the middle of the night in hot sweats? It’s very important to journal or log how you are feeling and whether your body is trying to tell you something that your heart and mind perhaps have been avoiding hearing.
Just because you see some of these signs in your relationship doesn't mean that things are necessarily irreparable and you are destined for an ending. Provided that both of you are willing, counseling, coaching and other modes of psychotherapy are incredibly helpful when fixing issues in a connection. It is not easy or painless. Our relationships are often direct models of the relationship we have with ourselves. When one sours, we can invest in a bit of self-inquiry regarding the other. We have to look at how we perhaps are modeling behavior or triggering behavior within our partner that is counterproductive to a healthy relationship. It's deep business, for sure, but the fact is unless we are willing to do the hard work we cannot expect the good results.
If your partner is not willing to do the work with you, this does not mean that you should avoid doing it yourself. Part of transitioning out of a relationship is going through the mud and the murk so that you are better prepared and whole when the next relationship enters your life. Remember that no matter how long or short a connection each relationship ultimately is a learning experience. It's important to learn these lessons and do the work on ourselves since this is the very starting point for every relationship we enter.
This article was originally published at OM Times. Reprinted with permission from the author.