When is the last time you dated you?
Are you grateful, alive, passionate, your own Valentine?
I woke up yesterday with a crashing headache because I spent too much time on the computer the night before. I love doing all this writing, but I need to remember to keep my shoulders down and breathe out regularly when I’m on my computer. When I am really into writing, sometimes I tend to hold my breath and scrunch my shoulders. Does anyone know an ergonomic chair that truly works?
So let’s get to it, Valentine’s Day is coming up next month. I’ve been thinking about love and those who may be waking up alone these days because his or her relationship ended last month and he or she is dreading going to work right now—in case someone sees puffy eyes! Did you spend last night crying in the spaces of your now too big of a bed?
Have you ever gone through a break-up? Of course you have! Everyone has been left, or done the leaving at least once in their life. If you don’t believe me, do a survey today at work or in your travels. Ask people you come across through your day “Have you ever gone through a break-up?” If you have or if you know someone right now who has, he or she is likely dreading the upcoming February 14th date that is looming on the calendar.
One of the hardest things in the wake of a break-up is remembering you are whole, that you are enough, and remembering that you are loved—especially when you are lying in bed by yourself, looking at the ceiling and surrendering to an inner dread that you are not enough. You may find yourself aching to feel the comfort of having a new partner again, while all along the missing piece has been for you to integrate self-love.
How do you exercise patience and the appreciation of taking the time you need to fully heal before you get ready to dance with someone new? Know that you are not alone in this very human experience of a relationship ending. We are living longer today than our ancestors did. So it is very likely that you have or will have an experience of relationship loss. And what would it be like for you to make this Valentine’s Day a celebrating and courtship of YOU this year? What opens up in your life when you consider embracing the opportunity to do exactly what makes you happy for once?
Research tells us that many people are enjoying their lives being single and marrying later. If you are single right now, the longer you wait between relationships, the more you can learn, discover and love who you are. While you are on your own developing, your potential future other may be learning about him or herself too! And if you are developing unconditional love for yourself and a potential other is doing the same, you will have a greater chance at experiencing a committed long-term relationship in your future.
Developing your own unconditional love for self, gives you capacity to be open and curious, lovingly engaged with a new partner in your future. Awareness and unconditional love for yourself gives you capacity to love others unconditionally. Otherwise, without personal insight and inner growth, you will very likely end up repeating the same relationship patterns and power struggle over and over again. Ouch!
Statistics Canada released findings that couples are marrying later, having children later and living longer. This is also true in the U.S., with similar trends as the Census Bureau from 1890 through to 2012 shows. In the U.K., a 2013 report from National Statistics suggests these same trend lines. These findings are showing up as well, with long-term outcomes in marriage eighty percent of the time for women who have university degrees and marry later than twenty-five years old. I believe that the statistics of marrying later is a positive development leading to you to make better choices in relationships because marrying later will give you more time to develop and to differentiate yourself as an individual, which in turn, will provide you more stability and longevity in marriage.
The outcome of developing yourself emotionally, intellectually, and financially will be less overall stress. So even when you are in the pre-marriage stage, or between relationships, take your time! Enjoy dating you, courting you and the process of envisioning your future. Build your career and be a life-long learner.
What, in your wildest dreams, might be your best life? You will need to know what you want if you want to attract your best life into action! And it is one thing to love someone, but you need to love the life you live together. So why not spend some time this Valentine’s month being curious about yourself and the life you truly want.
Here are five powerful questions you might consider as you anticipate February:
- When is the last time in your life you felt most alive and passionate?
- Is there any course you might like to take that would improve your capacity at work or home?
- When you consider your whole self—body, mind and spirit—what needs attention?
- How much fun have you been having lately?
- In your social circles, who makes you come alive the most? Can you spend more time with them and less time with those that don’t?
I know for myself, I feel very grateful, alive and passionate when I am walking, jogging, or just being in the natural environment. I’ve experienced puffy-eyed times in my life and a brief walk around the block seemed to shift my perspective of loneliness. I came across this YouTube link about gratitude. From a young child’s perspective to the wisdom of an elder in this video, we are reminded to go outside the box.
This is your life. This is your day. It is a gift.
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