The better you feel about you, the better you will feel about others.
Don’t you love those days when everything just seems to line up for your full body smile? ☺ It is those days when your schedule moves like clock work, the sun is shining, you and your family are happy, you’ve had a great sleep, and you are loving life. It is Friday!
Yesterday was one of those amazing days. My clients were so inspiring. One client played a new song he had just composed on the guitar in my office. Another woman had recently become engaged. Another couple, who showed up not speaking to each other, were moved through the enactment of a ‘trust fall’, and left my office with a plan to skip down the West Van Seawall following our session. They realized their lives had become swamped in parenting responsibilities and they had forgotten to play. Of course there will be a little more to it in the sessions to come, but it just made my day to see them laughing on the way out the door.
I have the best job ever because it doesn’t feel like work most of the time. I had lunch today with a dear friend and then met my husband at Cactus Club for dinner to celebrate his own great day teaching at U.B.C.
My book is now being carried at Indigo Books Park Royal… and I have my first book signing this Saturday from 3 – 5! (Another first!)
The Lilac Tree on my office balcony is almost into its full 2014 bloom! What could be better than all of that? Life is good and I feel so grateful.
What starts a day like that?.. in contrast for example to the days when you feel more like Tom Hanks, the FedX employee stranded on a deserted island like the one in the movie Castaway…C’mon we’ve all had those days! You know… when we think our best conversations might be with “Wilson the volleyball”!
Off days are just like off weather, they pass… and there are things you can do to feel better in the moment… and even more in the bigger picture.
It all starts with what you pay attention to. You can actually train yourself to tune in to positive information in your day, your work and your partnerships. Cognitive intention, endorphin-boosting exercise, helping others, connecting in long-term friendships and by actively crunching a six-pack strong core belief in you.
Yes, this morning when you are doing your 60 sit ups beside your bed, tell yourself 60 things you love about your life and those in it. The better you feel about you, the more positively you will perceive others through your day. The more positively you live, the more you can make a difference. Lets make the world better. Why not?
We hold scripts and schemas about everything. Schemas tell you for example, what to expect in your day. You can be like Eeyore, in Winnie the Pooh and “It’s going to be a very bad day” or you can choose to be like Tigger “What’s next?” Scripts are what your brain relies on to organize your memories. For example, you have a script for how to be in a relationship-- all responsibility and no fun, or caring, responsible and fun too.
The couple who left my office yesterday are actively shifting their schema about relationship and what their parenting years will look like as a couple in the coming years. They will start to practice more playful ways to think of each other and themselves despite all the responsibilities at this stage of their lives. They can put themselves first some of the time and get a babysitter once and a while. Then new playful parenting and partnering scripts will develop, attracting positive data between them and more loving feelings generally. They will deepen their long-term shifts in thinking and feeling as a couple, as they come to understand their lives over time.
It is always good to do a little self-reflection from time to time:
What does your relationship(s) teach you about you?
What did you used to do that you have stopped doing lately?
What do you wish your partner did more?
What will be important for you in your relationship with your self this year?
You might even ask a trusted friend:
What are my blind spots?
What do you (my dear friend) want me to get better at?
If you are on your own right now:
What do you appreciate about yourself?
What are your strengths?
How can you exploit your strengths more?
Is there a project you have been waiting to contribute on?
If you know anyone who is going through a break-up right now, just be a good listener. I’m not sure if it was my inspiring clients, having an intimate conversation with an old friend of 30 years, or sharing a glass of wine with my husband Joe last night, but I feel so grateful. I even had a few ski runs on Whistler Mountain with my former husband, his girl friend, our two kids and their partners last weekend at Whistler. We have so much to love in our lives.