Heart Centered Parenting

By

Heart Centered Parenting
The first 3 years of your child's life can have a big impact on your child's brain.

Get The What, Then The How

I was part of a full house at the Heart Matters: Emotion & Conscious Parenting presentation by Gabor Mate and Gordon Neufeld last night held at the SFU downtown campus. It was a really stimulating evening and the two presenters seamlessly moved through great content in research and ideas. The fact that the two and a half hour presentation was sold out, tells you we are craving more information these days about how to bring up caring, compassionate and considerate children.

The event was held on ‘Pink Shirt Day’ and fittingly I was wearing my own pink blouse. Actually wearing pink through my day really made me recall my own experiences of feeling bullied (in subtle and overt ways) sometimes in school… and sometimes as an adult even today. It is painful still to notice myself shrink when I intuit judgment or emotional misalignment. Somehow wearing pink made me take just a little more time in conversation with my husband in the morning, with my clients in my clinic through the day, and at the Temper Chocolate Patisserie where I bought my lunch. I dropped into the Vitamin Store below my office just to say hi. I kept thinking to myself as I noticed others in pink or not so pink, “were you bullied in school”?

Admittedly I work hard at receiving and expressing anger even today. How about you? I’m sure you have your own moments of heavyhearted recollection. Maybe we all do and it is part of the initiation into the challenges of our world today. There is ‘caring’ and ‘not so caring’ in all of us at times, including our children. We need to get the “what is the problem” before we can get to “how to fix it”. What is the problem may answer our solutions. If we are disconnected emotionally because we are too busy, too stressed out, and too overly scheduled, we are bound to be emotionally unavailable to our children. Children do 'act it out'.

We have capacity and incapacity at times and that is normal. Dr. Mate talked about the way we all can be frozen in an angry fight or flight moment and want to exit stage left of even the most loving relationship. How do we stay in the grey between the ‘right’ and the ‘wrong’ of any moment with the ones we love so that we maintain unconditional love? I do think it is great to have a ‘Pink’ day to reflect on our emotional learning through our lives and make sure that we are taking care of ourselves and communicating ‘all’ our feelings (the good, the bad and the ugly) with compassion.

Dr. Mate talked about how important the first three years of a child’s life really are. Establishing strong attachments with our children we are inoculating them for life to have the capacity to develop a positive solid relationship with them selves. The first three years of life is really important to brain development. The prefrontal cortex, where we think and feel, is set up in those years. It is telling that in our community, events like these are sold out. Are we driving ourselves into disconnection with all the pressures and stresses of a culture that drives to accumulate wealth in the bank and not in the heart?

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Mrs. Jo-Anne Weiler, M.A., R.M.F.T., R.C.C.

Counselor/Therapist

Jo-Anne Weiler, M.A., R.M.F.T., R.C.C.

Registered Marriage & Family Therapist

Professional Life Coach

206, 2438 Marine Drive,

West Vancouver, B.C., V7V 1L2

T.  604 925 1907

Live your best life

Location: West Vancouver, BC, Canada
Credentials: LMFT, MA, RCC
Other Articles/News by Mrs. Jo-Anne Weiler, M.A., R.M.F.T., R.C.C.:

How You Control Your Happiness

By

Start today. Say "yes" to self care with better transition practices morning, noon and evening. Having seen literally hundreds of couples and individuals over the past 14 years, time and time again I have discovered that one of the best remedial approaches to rescue partnerships gone sideways is for individuals to commit to improving their own ... Read more

5 Simple Ways To Feel More Resonance in Your Life Right Now

By

I attended a yoga retreat at the Salt Spring Yoga Center this past Summer Solstice Weekend with two of my girlfriends where I heard Patricia Galaczy speak on mindfulness. As part of her presentation, Patricia gave us all raisins to hold between our fingers. My senses were guided to tune into the raisin's crinkly exterior and soft interior. I noticed its ... Read more

Cultivate Your Grit

By

How Do You Cultivate Grit? As you think about my last blog, "In Search of Mastery," and as you reflect on Sara Lewis' research regarding "the near miss" and life long curiosity, what does your heart secretly want for you? What will be your own search and discovery? What do you really want from your career, your relationships, or ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB