ProConnect

How Jealousy Can Ruin A Relationship

By

How Jealousy Can Ruin A Relationship
Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever leave the house without him.

JEALOUSY

SITUATIONS AND LESSONS NO. 5

Bill is very jealous of Efi and does not want her to ever leave the house without him.

He is afraid that some man might approach her, and he cannot stand the idea of another man even looking at her. Although she has given him no concrete reason to fear, for some reason, he does not trust her. He feels intense fear, self-rejection and anger.

His sense of self-worth as a man is highly associated with his being only man whom Efi could possible care for. When asked why he fears this so much and gives so much attention to this possibility when he has never seen Efi flirting or paying attention to any other man, he cannot answer. He does not know why, but he totally loses control, intimidates and even threatens physical violence when Efi goes out of the house for a reason other than shopping.

Ironically, Bill’s eyes tend to follow attractive women whenever they pass. His mind is very focused on women. Perhaps this is because his mother gave him very little attention, or perhaps she never breast fed him, or she herself had a tendency to flirt, something which demeaned his father and made Bill feel ashamed. He may have, at that time, made a vow never to be demeaned like his father.

Efi, on the other hand, comes from a family that allowed very little freedom. She was free to go on her first date only after the age of eighteen. Now with Bill’s problem, she is experiencing the same restrictions and clashes she’d had with her parents. She is living a personal reoccurring nightmare.

At first she tried to avoid conflicts by not going out at all, but she nearly went crazy. She tried to plead and reason with Bill, but the subject was a source of great pain and anger for him and he inevitably ended up threatening her.

Efi is not interested in other men, but she cannot stand this suppression and distrust. She begins to go out ever more often and their conflicts have become more frequent and intense.

What can they do to get out of this vicious circle?
What do they need to learn to solve this problem?

Bill:

Does he need to work on his childhood years and get free of that image of his mother flirting?

Does he need to let go of his self-doubt?

Is his lesson to feel his self-respect and self-worth as a man independent of what his wife does?

Does he need to learn to care more about Efi and her needs?

Does he need to learn to trust her more?

Does he need to communicate differently, expressing his needs and fears and not his anger and threats?

Perhaps he needs to become more self-sufficient.

Efi:

Is her lesson to understand Bill and help him feel safe?

Is it to go out anyway and let him deal with his emotions?

Does she need to overcome her programming from her childhood years so she can feel her right to be independent and also free herself from fear of conflict?

Does she need to respect his needs more and feel her freedom while helping her loved one?

Does she need to respect her own needs more?

Does she need to find a different way of communicating with him?

Does she need to overcome guilt?

Both need to work on their childhood programming for which we would suggest our book The Psychology of Happiness and also our web site http://www.HolisticHarmony.com, and of course, personal work with a some type of counselor.

 From the book RELATIONSHIPS OF CONSCIOUS LOVE

By Robert Elias Najemy

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts
Brain

A big astrological shift is taking place this coming week...

  If you've ever read my newsletters, then you've probably noticed that I talk ...

Happy Wedding Day

Create the Wedding You Want Part 2

You can create the wedding you want without spending your pension! Here are some ways to do it!

Distant Woman

Tips For Getting Back in the Saddle After a Breakup

Recently suffered a breakup? Keep these things in mind and you'll be on your way to healing.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Resources
How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>
HOT STUFF!
FROM OUR PARTNERS