A book on how to understand yourself, which leads to cultivating self-esteem and inner kindness.
This book is a step-by-step guide for understanding and improving your inner relationship with your subconscious mind. Why would you want to do that? Well, only because your subconscious mind determines:
- What you habitually focus on in your life
- Your level of self-confidence and self-belief 3 Simple Steps To Improve Your Self-Confidence
- Your decision-making strategies
- The kinds of relationships to which you are drawn
- Your level of emotional and mental health
These, in turn, have an impact on the type of job and career you enter, how you perform in it (e.g. do you think you are a fraud and so consistently avoid promotions?), how you get on in both private and professional relationships, how you understand and parent your children and your outlook on the world and life in general.
I'm a chartered psychologist in the UK and I've seen many thousands of people over a 13 year period. Over the years it soon became obvious that most of the emotional, psychological and even physical problems people have come to see me about were all basically the result of a conflict between their conscious and subconscious mind. Think about it. When your own conscious and subconscious minds have been united towards any goal in your past, you pursued that goal no matter how daunting or challenging that goal was—it could be starting a business or tidying up a very messy room.
On the other hand, even if you had a worthy and achievable goal—a goal that made so much sense to pursue, a goal that blatantly beneficial for you—and you still did not pursue this goal, then logically another part of yourself was opposed to that goal for whatever reason and it fought you tooth and nail. Some days one 'brain' won and you worked on your goal. Other days, the 'other brain' won and you avoided, procrastinated or otherwise sabotaged your goal. When something does not happen that you want to happen, there is a conflict inside. Turn Your Goals Into Reality
I have a lot of experience working with couples and families in conflict. From this, it was not a huge stretch to start seeing the conscious and subconscious mind in the same way—as a sort of internal bickering couple who have ended up falling out with each other. Just as with any real couple experiencing relationship problems, the two minds can act exactly the same way.
The conscious mind can adopt the position of a "know-it-all" who dismisses inferior perspectives and agendas. It can be critical and judgmental toward the subconscious mind. The subconscious mind can act like an aggrieved partner in a couple. You can offend your subconscious mind, you can injure its pride, it can lose trust or confidence in you as its leader and it can feel misunderstood, un-respected and hard-done by.
I began applying some of the approaches from couples and family counseling to healing up the conflicts in the relationship between the two minds...and then everything just seemed to fall in place. Long-standing conflicts began to clear up (even psychosomatic problems like back pain), self-esteem began to improve, people started enjoying being in their own skin and could focus on the good things in their relationships. How Do I Make This Year The Best Of My Life?
Over the years I developed a framework for improving the relationship between the conscious and subconscious mind, drawing the best insights from many different therapy approaches I had trained it. I then began to apply this framework to every problem people came to see me for and began getting fast results almost regardless of the problems. I knew I was on to something when people who had tried weeks, months and even years of other therapies soon began to experience change with my format within just one or two sessions. Changes happened faster and were more long-lasting when my clients applied my guidelines...especially with those clients who wanted to see me for assistance in improving their feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. Help! My Therapy Is Not Working! Now What? [VIDEO]
This book developed as an extension of some of the approaches developed in my therapy sessions. The first part of the book addresses how to cultivate grass roots self-esteem and the second part uses a slightly different approach to address phobias, addictions and psychosomatic problems. This format has also successfully been applied to treat depression and all forms of anxiety, although owing to space, this will not be explored in detail in this book. Enjoy the read and I'm sure you will begin to notice a greater understanding about your personality, your behavior and motivation, and why you act the way you do.
A Brief Note on 'NLP':
NLP stands for the very scary sounding neuro-linguistic programming. NLP is a very practical and no-nonsense therapeutic approach that seeks to cut to the core of the issues that lead to problems. I have adapted one of the techniques from my NLP training to form the main 'chassis' or format of change for the book. However, the approaches in the book are a fusion of many therapies I have trained in, including cognitive therapy, systemic therapy, inter-personal therapy and family therapy—I just couldn't fit all that into the title. Take Charge is available on amazon.com (for reviews click on amazon.co.uk). Click here for the dedicated facebook page
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