It’s a fine line – at what point does one’s confidence become arrogance.
The first thing to note is that confidence is hugely overrated when it comes to meeting women. In fact, so much weight placed on confidence, I believe, can be a dangerous thing for a man’s growth. See, we tent to just assume that people are – or are not – confident; and then that is their fate – giving them either a golden ticket to ride the ‘success with ladies’ train … or the perfect excuse to not even try – “I’m just not that confident”
What is arguably more attractive than a confident man is a man who is able to muster up the balls to take action, to grab life by the nads and to just have a crack, even though he is shitting himself. The latter is certainly a lot more real and a lot more endearing to a lot of ladies.
No one is born with confidence …
Confidence is DEVELOPED. It’s not something that you just have. Sure it seems that some gents had it from the day that they slipped from the womb, but in fact it was simply a combination of upbringing and (likely forgotten) events that led to them developing it. Personally I was never confident with women; it took me years of approaching to DEVELOP it. And this is the #1 thing I aim for with my guys – not for them to just get a girl and run back to their rooms, that would end horribly, but to DEVELOP into better men. Developing confidence in one area of your life will spill over to all areas.
You don’t just pick up the flute and pipe away with confidence, you weren’t confident your first day at work – why do we inherently think that this area is different?
The evil cousin of confidence – arrogance …
There are two forms of arrogance.
The first and most common is the classic ol’ case of overcompensation. This is the guy who feels average in himself; that he isn’t enough as he is, so he feigns what he believes to be strong “confidence”. And the more insecure he feels, the more “confidence” he displays. Unfortunately … 1) Due to the general lack of social intelligence characteristic of these gents, he hasn’t realized that he has trodden well into arrogance territory, and 2) Anyone with a shred of social awareness will see right through this to the scared little lad beneath. These chaps usually end up dating women with low self-esteem – those who don’t see through it, or simply tolerate it.
The second form of arrogance is the guy who actually is narcissistically arrogant. This clown actually sees himself as being better than everyone else. Studies show that 1% of the population are in fact, psychopaths – so there are without a doubt, a certain number of people out there legitimately thinking that they are God’s gift to mankind.
Also worth a mention are the “arrogant” people labeled such by ‘stone-throwers’. Stone-throwers are those who call others arrogant, when really, it’s just that their own insecurities are being stirred up by the actions of these people. It’s easier to blame externally than to look internally. If you show even a hint of success or even just a ‘go get em’ attitude, it’s likely that some people think you’re arrogant. Stone throwers will not climb the mountain themselves, but sure as hell don’t want others getting up there either.
So how does this affect you in dating?
Point blank – arrogance attracts crazy women; be it real narcissistic arrogance or feigned overcompensating arrogance. No two ways about it. Like attracts like. Women with daddy issues, women who respond to being put down, women a bit too dim to see through the crap, women who will burn your cat because you smiled at your neighbor.
Confidence is great, obviously, but it needs to be seen for what it is – not a magical elixir dished out to a select few, no it’s something that ANYONE (yes, you too) can, and should, develop – just like any other skill. And importantly – in the process of attaining it, taking action all the same. Don’t wait for it. It will come once you start.
This article was originally published at Manic Workshops. Reprinted with permission from the author.