Help! We're drowning in online dating 'grey areas'!
One thing we need to start talking about: There are so many gray areas when it comes to online dating. Way. Too. Many.
Does curvy mean fat? What about "nice"? Does that mean timid?
You may have heard the same statistics and factoids about online dating, and now you're incredibly frustrated. None of them apply to you. And you need HELP.
1. Do I put 'Curvy' or 'About Average'? Which one secretly means 'Fat'?
Here's the thing about interpreting body types (and there's really no way around it): If a person's preference is to date someone slender or skinny, then 'About Average' or 'Curvy' will, to them, imply fat.
They've only dated skinny or slender and thus any other body type doesn't fit their idea of attractive. If you yourself are curvy or about average, don't spend time worrying about how people will interpret it. You should see it as their preference and their loss.
If you can't get past this, you will have a hard time meeting people and going out because it ultimately points to an internal confidence issue.
2. If someone doesn't have a picture, does that mean they're a serial killer?
Or worse, they're MARRIED. To both of these questions I respond with a resounding ... maybe.
But a lot of questions like this have dubious answers. Let's not jump on the fact that someone does not have a profile picture. Instead, inquire with them as to whether or not they'd be willing to share one.
The fact is, some people have jobs that don't allow them to put their pictures online. Some live in small towns, and they simply don't want the attention that comes with it.
3. Someone who hasn't even put effort into their "About Me" isn't worth my time, right?
Other people also won't take the time to read a profile that's too long. And there are those that specifically note that they want to save the details for when they meet someone.
While I prefer one or two paragraphs within a profile, I must accept that some people would prefer to introduce themselves in person and others have no clue how long or short to make their profile.
What I really need to ask myself is, Why I would lose the potential opportunity of finding my companion because I dismissed a profile based on the length of the profiles intro?
4. Why do people ALWAYS use outdated pictures?
This is all about confidence and misguided competition.
Translation: I lack confidence in how I look today so I will woo you with older pictures that are more flattering.
This is shady behavior. It goes into the same category as mirror selfies and pictures of guys where they're CLEARLY flexing their muscles.
5. Am I rude for completely bailing when I meet up with someone and they look nothing like their profile?
My controversial response? No. Someone lying to or being intentionally misleading is not cool at all.
If you go through the motions, you're being nice to a liar. And, you're giving them false hope when they're clearly already so fragile mentally that they couldn't be honest about themselves from the start.
What is important, although it's uncomfortable, is to write them and explain why you bailed. Maybe they'll realize that which we already know—the truth comes out eventually so why not be truthful from the beginning.
6. Do I have to respond to someone if all they write is, "What up?" or just a winky face emoticon?
Even though it's not as nerve-wrecking as an in-person exchange, there is still a chance for rejection online. That's why it's so common for people to wink and hope for some sort of reply to gauge interest level.
The same goes for the short, simple and not-so-sweet notes. Less effort means less pain if/when someone gets rejected.
Of course, there is one more reason why people do this, specifically men. It's called casting the net wide with small emails that can go to thirty people and if one or two bite—score!
7. When I go to a guy's profile, why is his age range SO much younger than his own age?
Uh, because a lot of men prefer younger women.
I wish it were more complicated than that. It isn't.
8. What am I supposed to do when someone's profile is so incredibly general, I have no idea what they're actually like as a person?
Ah yes, the overly generic profile descriptions that clearly denote a society that can comfortably live on both sides of the fence. They love dressing up AND dressing down. They love nice restaurants. They love dive bars. They love everything!
The biggest reason people write things like this in their profile is because they are not great at writing profiles.
It's hard to write about yourself, and it's hard to write a profile that will be both catchy and allow you to cast your net without losing potential suitors based on your choice of words. Which brings us to reason two: People don't want to miss out on a potential companion because they only stated that they liked to 'dress up' and other people read too much into that.