3 Ways To Have The Best Sex With Your Bedroom BFF


It has become monotonous.

It's awkwardly unsatisfying and it makes you rethink your ability to stay with this person for the rest of your life.

It, my friends, is a bad sex life. And it sucks. The question is, what can you do about it? There's no point in letting sleepless dogs lie nor trying to find another lover. Sex, no matter how good it is the first few times, will befall the same fate if you don't do these three basic things to ensure you keep your bedroom partner your bedroom BFF!

1. Build-Up

Long before you jump in the sack with them, are there intentional and playful flirtations? Where are those sexts? Are you turning dinner into dirty references that only you and they understand? What about stealing the towel when they get out of the shower and making them chase you to get it back? This, my friends, is build-up and it's both awesome and necessary. Otherwise, sex turns into a momentary act with minimal satisfaction and an overly predictable flow.

We get into the bedroom, undress and probably screw. When it's done, it is done — until next time. Think of it as like Groundhog Day or those boring old 'time to make the doughnuts' commercials. This is your sex life sans the build-up.

Here are 3 fun ways to bring this into your love life:

  • The age old (and still relevant) act of buying them lingerie or nice sexy boxers. The add-on here is that you give it to them at a random time, with a playful note inside and walk away. If there is any chemistry between you two this will create build-up and anticipation.
  • Walk around the house naked at a time when they won't expect it.
  • Say to them, off the cuff, 'I cannot wait to tear you apart'. And walk away.

2. Foreplay

You go in, you get out, you roll over and you do it again (Yawn). When was the last time you took some time (10-15 minutes) to simply explore their body with yours? Do you have the toys and the oils and are they a consistent part of your pre-penetration routine? If not, why not? Is it really just about the sex? Or, is there a love for their body and touch that you crave? Do you wish to please your partner beyond an orgasm?

I ask this because in my years as a relationship coach, it amazes me how out of touch lovers can be with the seductive and feel-good aspects of a coconut oil massage and running the fingers through the hair. Bedroom friends don't let bedroom friends go without a nice dose of foreplay.

3) Find their spots

In what is perhaps the easiest and yet most absent part of this BFF trifecta, we have spot finding. This can only come if there is an awareness and a sincere desire to please your partner. When you've done the build-up and amazing foreplay, theres a treasure hunt that allows you to understand just what parts of their body (inside and out) really get them going. Are you doing this? When you go in, are you watching their face and hearing their inflections so that you may pinpoint their preferences?

When you're kissing or biting various parts of their body, are you being mindful of what pleases versus what hurts versus what is just blah? Sally tricked Harry and Elaine tricked Jerry. In both cases the trickery was necessary to appease their otherwise naive partner. And just what was the partner naive about? Partner satisfaction of course. Don't be tricked. Find the spot that hits the spot and please on!

These bedroom BFF tips are basic but we must start somewhere. Just remember that in order to fully appreciate and execute against them, you must be aware, unselfish and vulnerable. Otherwise, you'll either think you're already satisfying them, won't have a desire to or won't be able to get past the temporary self-esteem issues and find your way. I mean, their way.


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