Why Non-Monogamy May Be Hard


Why Non-Monogamy May Be Hard
Although many couples are exploring open relationships, there may be some tricky waters ahead.

People are thinking twice about marriage and monogamy and that is a good thing, because if we learn to love more we might feel jealous and insecure less and we might have a higher chance of being honest in the relationship, and accepting and appreciating our partners for who they are, flaws and all.  But shifting out of the monogamous mindset is not an easy one. We don’t realize how much we as a society have and continue to use monogamy as our main frame of reference. We are still plagued by fears that our partner is going to leave us or stop loving us if they fall in love with someone else. Is this human nature or a by-product of our monogamous training and mindset? I tend to think it’s the latter, but that’s really beside the point.


If you are curious about open relationships or polyamory, the first step is to start embracing honesty and open-ness in your relationship, even without having an open relationship you can start by talking about attractions outside of the relationship. Recognizing someone else is attractive is not a crime, and many couples are already doing this and have great camaraderie because of it. But not talking about simple things like this might suggest your relationship is built on avoidance and fear, with insecurity and jealousy as a threads, which may show up and could potentially unravel the relationship. Talking about your fantasies, and fetishes is another way to bring honesty about sexuality into your relationship. 

Remember that this is a slow change as far as mental processes go. It’s hard to undo years of monogamy in a matter of a few conversations.  After you start talking about things, which were once taboo or avoided in your relationship, let it sink in before expecting your partner to be cool with bringing in another person, let alone several others into what has been your two-some relationship up until now. Just remember to go slow, start with some open honest talking between you and your partner before diving into the deeper waters of open relationships, non-monogamy, polyamory and the like.


Moushumi Ghose is a sex therapist in Los Angeles and the co-host of The Sex Talk - a sex educational webseries.

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Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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