When Unsolicited Advice Happens

By

When Unsolicited Advice Happens
In therapy we know that we can only listen, educate and then let the cards fall where they may.

I’ve always looked down on therapists who try to therapize their friends. In the same vein I also totally despise it when people say they want to be a therapist, because “my friends all tell me I’m a good listener,” or “I’m always helping my friends with their problems.” A good friend does not a good therapist make, necessarily. And, yet I found myself doing the unthinkable, the thing I despise the most: Giving unsolicited advice.

Like many couples, they’d been together for many years. They own property together. They even run a business together. What made this couple different from any couple who came into my office is that this couple were good friends of mine. At what point did I think it would be okay to play therapist in their lives and meddle in their business. It totally went against my policy, and my philosophies.

In part, I blame society a little. I mean everywhere I go, social outings, parties, etc..and people hear what my profession is, that I am a sex therapist, people inevitably start asking me questions. They want advice, they give me hypothetical scenarios (which I already know who they are really inquiring about anyway) and as much as I want to leave my career at the front door before entering the party or social event, I have to say it’s the others who bring it out in me. This is Los Angeles, and in a big city full of sex and love I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

I also blame in part my personal experiences. Between getting divorced and then breaking up with the last guy who was also my live in I have a plethora of insight as to why my past two relationships failed. It just so happens I am now in a relationship with a guy who is just as focused on making the relationship work as I am, who’s relationship history is similar to mine. So, all of a sudden I think I am miss know-it-all.

So, I started talking shop at parties. Now that I think about it I’ve even done mock therapy sessions with couples without their knowledge, or them knowing it. And at some point it escalated to this. Every time we’d be at a party, after the party was in full swing, he would start talking to me about his girlfriend (my good friend) of 7 years. And me, partially thinking I’m being a helpful friend, partly bragging and showing off my great therapy skills particularly in the area of couples counseling decide it’s a good idea to go back and forth between him and her, first just asking questions to get them to talk but then after a few parties, skipping the small talk, and blatantly spewing advice on what the two of them need to do to save their relationship. And so it escalated. I thought I was being funny, I thought I was being helpful. I thought they were listening to me. Until one day, my good friend texts me, the text that made my heart sink down to my feet: “ Thanks to you, we are over.”

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

Considering Non-Monogamy? 4 Rules To Make Sure No One Gets Hurt

By

Are you single and intrigued by the idea of hook up culture? Maybe you want to be in an open relationship and like the idea of non-committal sex, but things often get complicated in the process. Because of oxytocin and a whole slew of other factors, maybe sex with no strings attached is sometimes more of an ideal than a realistic endeavor for you, and you ... Read more

Ditch The Clothes And Love Your Birthday Suit!

By

We are such a clothed society. As a soceity we definitely like to show a lot of skin, we like fashion that exposes the midriff, the shoulders, short skirts that show off legs, low cut blowses that show some cleavage, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, nudity as a whole is something that is not highly accepted, nor is it publically legal in ... Read more

Yes! 6 Steps to Having Healthy Hook Ups

By

I read a lot of articles bashing "hook up culture" — its a term du jour, kind of like "menage a trois" was in the 80's — but this term unlike the latter, is not associated with being sex positive and it's usually not written about in a positive light. We live in a society where it often seems like we ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular