When Polyamory Leads to Cheating

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When Polyamory Leads to Cheating
Even with honesty, are open relationships a good idea or are we just evading serial monogamy?

One thing I do know, both from personal experience and from my professional experience is that open, non-monogamous, polyamorous, or otherwise, relationships, if they are to be ethical, loving and genuine, take a little concerted work. These types of relationships take a little extra communication, energy and effort to be open, honest, conscious and conscientious all of the time, not just with your partner, but with yourself as well. And this is not always an easy task. And, with all this work at being real, keeping it open, and keeping it honest, sometimes it just becomes to easy to slip. I’ve had clients say to me, “It’s just easier to cheat.” They don’t have to worry about their partner becoming emotional, jealous, insecure, angry, vengeful, all real feelings which may come up and need to be dealt with.

It’s hard writing this article, as the open minded proponent and hard core left wing liberal of my camp, always having acknowledged that these open relationships are ideal, if we can just get over ourselves, our jealousy, our insecurity, and want nothing but the best for our partners, ourselves and our relationship, and start talking to each other, respecting our agreements. But the truth of the matter is, if we are indeed serial monogamists even as opposed to non-monogamists by nature, then as luck would have it, we do run the risk of losing our partner with every dalliance, every wink, every batted eye lash, that is to say if we are always looking for the one, even if there is open communication. Is it safe to say that this lifestyle works best with people who feel they have already found “the one” -a concept prescribed heavily in our culture? If things in the relationship are still hanging in the ambivalence zone, in our world where everyone is looking for a soul mate, a Mr. Right, or their happily ever after, then an open relationship may be hard pressed. Not to mention, I do think that people can use the polyamorous label to perpetuate unhealthy sexual practices, such as acts without implied consent and cheating, under the guise of an open relationship. The good news is, cheating is no longer a death sentence for the relationship, (although maybe sex addiction, the new "cheating" is) and we can overcome breakdowns in relationships with a little effort as well.

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Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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