Start Your New Years Resolutions Early


Start Your New Years Resolutions Early
Why not start the change you want to see in yourself today?

For the New Year I decided I was going to give up drinking, smoking and carrying on, a term affectionately used by my bandmates.  And, I thought, why wait until New Years? Why not get a head start?

I had hit my version of rock bottom recently, which I've been told is "lucky." That night, I got to having a few drinks with some girlfriends and the next thing I knew two of the girls I was with broke out into a fist fight. Yes, it was pretty violent and aggressive. Then at 4am, I woke up to find I had lost all my keys. Losing my keys was terrible. It took me days to recover all the keys. This was my rock bottom.

More from YourTango: The Benefits Of Surrogate Partner Therapy

Rock bottom, in the end is a wake up call. For many it can mean something more dramatic such as a loss of friends, family, jobs, livelihood, homes, or even lives. You name it, rock bottom can be anything for anyone, but typically rock bottom is the point where one can no longer go any further down the rabbit hole.

I go to my own therapy weekly to see how I can go about changing all these other things in my life, but by hanging out, smoking, drinking and carrying on, something else was going on. I didn't know consciously or off the top of my head but I knew it was time to figure it out.

More from YourTango: The 4 Scary Steps To Finding True Love

Alcohol and parties, late nights and carrying on is a great and acceptable way to be social in our culture, but it may also be a way to avoid or distract oneself from what is really going on. For me, I knew I was dealing with the residual relationship stuff. Being single for almost a year after having been in relationships for 20 years was both liberating and at times lonely, and very eye opening. I was grappling with my last two relationships and basking in the fact that I had taken my life back, and that I could stay out all hours of the night and not have to think about someone else. I was aware of that. I was also aware of my feelings, what they were every waking hour when it came to being single. Sadness, loneliness, exhilaration. You name it I was feeling it. I felt so in touch, and so alive in many ways. But, what else was going on? Then it hit me, on day 5 of sobriety. There was an ongoing situation with a friend, that was causing me a lot of confusion. Sometimes the most obvious thing is not what is causing us to run and hide. Hanging out with friends was one way of "letting go," of trying to be the person who says, "It's all going to be okay." When you are drinking, then possibly hungover, and then you have to deal with work and the day-to-day stuff, you don't have time to deal with the things that are painful and difficult. It's important to know the things which drive you to drink, or go to the excesses that you go to. That excess may be alcohol, it could be drugs, it could be sex, it could be associating with certain friends or a relationship, and it could be gambling or porn. The list of things we become addicted to is endless. 

Once we start to peel away the shell of our addictions, we are forced to address the core issues which are plaguing us. It's a question of whether or not you really do want to change.

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality.

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Get Mou's eBook at Marriage, Money and Porn: A Quick and Easy Guide to Navigating Your 21st Century Relationship

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: West Hollywood, CA
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

The Benefits Of Surrogate Partner Therapy


As a psychotherapist, working with and specializing in sex and sexuality, I have had the honor of working with and observing the highly effective and life changing therapeutic process known as Surrogate Partner Therapy. What is Surrogate Partner Therapy, you ask? Well you may have seen the movie The Sessions, and perhaps the Showtime series Masters of Sex, ... Read more

The 4 Scary Steps To Finding True Love


So you say you want a relationship but you're still single despite all the potential people you meet, flirt with, have sex with, and even like. Even when you have a connection, something always goes wrong. What gives? Now, I'm not a fan of blaming the victim and I can see where these articles may come off as blaming the victim, but I have to point out ... Read more

6 Ways Men Can Speak Up About Their Sexuality


In recent times, I'd say in the last couple of years,  a lot of feminism has gone mainstream in terms of sex and sexuality. 2013 saw a huge surge of feminist porn, and global feminism's 4th wave is off and running, giving women all around the world a voice via the Internet to speak out about everything from rape, to sexual harassment, to body image ... Read more

See More

Recent Expert Posts

The Man Down the Street

He moved in down the street, "closer to his job," now he's unavailable. I can't stop driving past...

Girl Decorates Easter Eggs

Are You Addicted To Comfort?

Don't be afraid to push the envelope—you'll achieve greater happiness.

Woman Weighing Herself

How to Lose Weight Without Dieting

10 Steps to integrating mindful eating- find peace, calmness and sanity around food and in your body

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no time…

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>