Living Up To Expectations During The Holidays


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Having a good job, money, and nice things really help our social status, but do they help our souls?

I hear this all too often in my office. I see it all too often. Stress, anxiety, worry, fear, guilt and depression due to money, responsibilities, obligations and fear....of losing the job, but not having the motivation to do a good job, of not being able to provide for the family, of looking like a slacker, or failure in front of friends and family, of holding up social appearances, keeping up with societal expectations and pressures, whether it be money, marriage, work or family.

The need to uphold to social standards has always been a big drive and motivator in humanity. In this time and in this economy, people are more stuck than ever doing jobs they'd rather not be doing, to support their families and maintain their lifestyles, and it's not that easy these days. Feeling stuck at a job can lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. 5 Ways To Make Your Marriage More Important Than Money

With this, more and more people are turning to anti-depressants, which have become more and more readily available in our society. People need to keep going even if that means to continue to simply exist at their ho humdrum 9-5 job which pays the bills, gives them a certain social status, and allows them to feel and even receive the social acceptance they need so bad.

Anti-depressants are a means to an end. Perhaps they allow us to stay in a situation, or accept a situation which otherwise may not be our preference, if we were to really look at what our hearts desire. So many people live in fear of being abandoned, in fear of being ostracized by friends and family, and alienated by society as a whole. This is why marriage upholds so well, and is so desirable in our culture.

We want to feel safe and secure so we look hard and try to find the partner that fits the puzzle. We also want friends. Being married may help our social status. Having a good job, money, and nice things really helps our social status, and makes us revered, coveted, and well-accepted. Having these things makes us look normal. And everyone likes normal. What A Year In Marriage Taught Us About Love

It's the acceptance in the end that makes life all the easier for us. Let's face it, it's not easy living on the fringe. We don't get a lot of support from the upper echelons of society when we look unemployed, poor, unmarried, and even single

I know. I can say this. As a writer and a musician, I have been there, oscillating back and forth between making a decent living and being true to my artist spirit. And in many ways I am still there. As a homeowner, and a divorcee, it's easy to see where I have myself been beholden to a slew of societal rules.

I worry about defaulting on my bills because it will effect my credit, so I keep working as hard as I do to pay the bills, but in the end, many days go by where I could be writing and playing music (my passions), but instead I am exhausted from working. 6 Tips for Living Authentically

I am on a constant journey to find balance and try oh so very hard to write on a regular basis and to continue to play music either alone or in the band, because at the end of the day, I am keenly aware that these social standards don't always feed our souls whereas writing and music do.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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