The Surprising Cause Of ED: She's Hot, He's Not


The Surprising Cause Of ED: She's Hot, He's Not
How Having a Hot Girlfriend Can Contribute to Sexual Arousal Problems in Men.

You should always seek the help of a medical doctor first to weed out any physical or biological problems before seeking out the help of a sex therapist. Your doctor may do a testosterone hormone test. There are the basic tests that look at hormones more fully, such as “total testosterone,” “free testosterone,” and “sexual hormone binding globulin levels (SHBG).” There is also an NPT test that you may want to ask about. These tests, along with a proper physical exam, ultrasonic evaluation of blood flow, assessment of neurological function and proper medical counseling regarding your risk for cardiac and vascular disease, will help give a complete picture of the medical side of things. Based on these findings your doctor will give you an understanding of any biological or organic causes within your system.

If nothing “abnormal” shows up in the test, (the medical world chooses to look at things as abnormalities and dysfunctions) your doctor may suggest seeking the help of a psychotherapist or sex therapist.


It’s very common for specific facets in a person’s current relationship or relationship history to contribute to ED. For example, as I mentioned above having a super hot girlfriend can contribute to erectile digression. One of the main causes of ED is feeling insecure, inadequate, and self-conscious specifically about erection, and performance, which can in turn become self-fulfilling prophecies where the man begins to ruminate or obsess on his need to achieve and maintain erection until ejaculation and/or orgasm in order to please the woman.

Therefore, having a girlfriend/wife/partner whom you think is especially attractive or perfect in every which way possible, can cause severe feelings of fear and inadequacy, which in turn can bring on or exacerbate ED. Men, you need to remember when placing a partner on a pedestal, that although she is still perfect, you are perfect too. Such a perfect person wouldn’t choose someone who is seriously flawed. The only issue you are having is being way too focused on erection, performance, ejaculation and orgasm. This causes one to lost sight of what sex is really about: the physical and sensual connection. Too many men are way too focused on the end results, and have forgotten to enjoy the journey. As cliché’ as it sounds, it’s true.

Here is what needs to happen. To change the course and direction of chronic erectile digression, you must learn to relax, breath, and most of all to have sex for pleasure, and not for a purpose. Too many men these days are obsessed with pleasing her only, and have ceased to find the pleasure in sex for themselves. Men need to find pleasure in sex again, for themselves. Do something for yourself and watch your ED fade away.

Men: Learn to focus on how it feels inside your body when touching someone else. Pay attention to the various sensations within your own body, and make a commitment to be a little more focused on yourself. This is not about being a selfish lover, nor a selfless lover, but a WHOLE lover. You must find balance. Becoming more in tune with your own body and your own needs is key to overcoming ED and being a successful lover in general.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 


Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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