The goal of Sexy Time for Couples (long term and some short term couples, too) is to not have a goal. We tend to be so goal oriented about sex. But, too much emphasis on intercourse, erection, ejaculation and orgasm has the potential of taking the joy and the fun out of sex.
First thing's first. Let's talk about lack of arousal, or imbalances in desire.
Women’s Sexuality VS. Men’s Sexuality
Women’s sexuality does not follow a straight line, but rather looks like a wavelength. So women, mimicking a male style of sexuality, to please your partner, and in the process disregard your own needs, one can see why this might cause disinterest, lack of arousal in women. The key to eradicate this is through education, one, but two is through communication between the partners. Women: Don’t be afraid to let your partner know when it is time for a change in the play, or if you need a break. We are responsible for our share of the pie when it comes to sex. Remember it takes two to tango. Men: Okay, so you get it. Point A (erection) to Point B (intercourse) to Point C (ejaculation/orgasm) when it comes to sex is so 1950's, and boring, but in the process have you forgotten to get pleasure for yourself? Pleasing women may be the egalitarian way for you feminist he-males, but it should not be your only goal, remember your reciprocative communication is important too. Women love to hear what a man wants. That is music to our ears. So say it, and say it loud.
If so, the point here is not to travel from A to B to C. Stop and smell the flowers, or your fingers or what ever else may tantalize you. Here are some Ideas for a break from intercourse, which also means that, read: Sexy Time does not have to stop. Mutual masturbation- I love this one. Her vagina is tired or his penis has lost its firmness take a detour and touch yourself, or try oral sex, and of course kissing. Kissing is always a great way to slow down and take some time to reconnect. Talking, such as dirty talk, sexy talk (see section on Talking the Talk below) can amazingly fast turn the heat back up. Sharing fantasies, reading erotica, resuming or starting a role play, watching porn, strip tease with music, etc. I mean the list is endless. I can give you more ideas. But the point is to move around, do something different. Change it up. This can be a short break of 2-10 minutes, OR this can be a longer break 15-45 minutes: and include such deviations as taking a bath, lighting candles, massage with massage oils, role play with more details such as acting, costumes. Or this can be a complete break until another time, such as tomorrow or the weekend.
Notes to remember:
1. A break does not have to lead to resuming intercourse,
2. A break from intercourse, which switches to mutual masturbation and oral sex does not necessarily suggest that climax or orgasm must be achieved.
Okay, but first...
Setting the Stage or Mood
Turn off TV, Cellphones, Computers, etc.. You may put on some light music. Burning incense that is mild is good too.
Kissing is a great way to get the mood going. Close eyes. Use tongue. (Also see Keeping The Mood EVERYDAY)