There are a few things to remember about having sex when not in a relationship.
Most people want intimacy, want companionship, want sex, but there are some things you should know about getting intimate while single. I would definitely agree that many people who do often indulge in one night stands, or sex with no strings attached, are often-times looking for more than just sex, more than just a one-night stand in the long run, however the time and circumstances do need to be right. And, in the heat of the moment, a lot of our best laid plans fly out the window.
In this day and age of women owning their sexuality and doing away with the double standards of yesteryear, we've come across a new standard or conundrum of feeding our ego's to the point where we may become out of touch with, or disconnected from our spiritual side.
Women have taken the reins, have started calling the shots, buying the condoms, but when it comes down to it, women want the sex, want the intimacy, still want the freedoms, autonomy, and independence, and yes, still want to be respected, admired, adored, not just in the morning but in the weeks that follow.
And most of the time, it seems we are hard wired to want the adoration in the form of sexual pleasure and forthcoming post—coital accolades. Truth of the matter is that, it's often hard enough for women to get this from men once in a relationship, how the hell is it that women expect to get it outside of one?
We've come to recognize that sex is a tool for connection, and there are definitely some things to know first. If you have any inclination that you may be looking for a long-term connection with the person you decide to hop into bed with, the first rule of obvious and old school advice is restraint.
Sex can complicate things. One major reason is purely biological. Epinephrine, a chemical in our brain gets released when we seek sexual pleasure without an intimate connection first can cause us to become agitated and restless, as Charlotte Kasl, PhD reminds us in her book, If The Buddha Dated.
This can in turn break down our immune system, and health, not to mention our self-esteem. Therefore in light of our newly found sexual equality and pleasure seeking, I've come up with a few things to keep in mind when having sex outside of a commitment.
1. Establish the status of the relationship before you have sex.
Sex is good, and it may be great, and this individual is hot and you're excited about the attention they are giving you, but if you really like this person and want some connection in the morning then establish that before going into the bedroom.
Do your text messages and emails have a tone that suggests there is a mutual attraction? Or are the messages more about hanging out, like friends? Does she let you know how much they want to have sex with you or do they show interest in you as a person? Have you established that you both have feelings for each other?
These are cues to look for before taking it to the next stage. Don't let the sex do the talking, do the talking before having sex.
2. Be okay with the gray area that may come afterwards.
If you do decide to hit the hay together before some of these things have been established, that's okay too, but you have to be okay then with the gray area that may come afterwards.
Trying to establish the relationship now, after you have had sex, while in the gray area may be trickier, especially if someone is still trying to get to know you. If you all of a sudden find yourself super drawn to this individual, but haven't gotten to know them yet, you may have to slow it down.
3. Have sex without any expectations.
Of course, you can always go into the bedroom with no expectations what-so-ever of what is to come afterwards. So, if you find yourself having a sexual interlude with someone whom you have no established connection with, or if you're friends who are just flirting, go in there with no expectation of the outcome.
Sex can be a fun experience that is devoid of complications. If you take it at face value. But, in the end this may be easier said than done.
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