The Monogamy Myth: Nothing Lasts Forever


heart candles
Would we be better off admitting we're just horny and afraid to be alone?

And then, of course, there is the sex part. We are naturally sexual beings. We want to have sex. Well, most of us do, and most definitely we crave that connection and intimacy with another body, another being. We are taught concepts like "no sex before marriage," and with the fears of sexually transmitted diseases, and HIV, again marriage and monogamy seem to the perfect solution to our desires to alleviate our fear of abandonment and to have unbridled passionate sex all the time.

So, we set out on our mission to meet the one. We ache and suffer, desperately wanting a fix for abandonment. I wonder if we could only admit that we are horny and afraid of being alone, if we could just suck it up and say, "I'm just horny and afraid of being alone," would we be able to rid ourselves of the oversimplified concepts of marriage, monogamy and the one?

Don't get me wrong. I think marriage is beautiful, and the union of two people when they fall in love and decide to support, nurture and love each other for the rest of their lives is truly amazing. And if people were more realistic about marriage and the true nature of long term relationships – that romance and passion eventually wane, that desire ebbs and flows — then we'd be much better at relationships I general. 6 Tips To Make Marriage Counseling Work

We would put less stock in the one, and more stock into the connection right now. We would accept that life is impermanent, that nothing lasts forever, even the most seemingly well matched duos and fairy tales of romances. We would admit that what goes up, must come down instead of holding onto the fantasy that safe and sexy always go hand in hand.

It's a whole bunch of fairy tales and myths if we are honest. In the end aren't we all just afraid and horny?

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

Ditch The Clothes And Love Your Birthday Suit!


We are such a clothed society. As a soceity we definitely like to show a lot of skin, we like fashion that exposes the midriff, the shoulders, short skirts that show off legs, low cut blowses that show some cleavage, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, nudity as a whole is something that is not highly accepted, nor is it publically legal in ... Read more

Yes! 6 Steps to Having Healthy Hook Ups


I read a lot of articles bashing "hook up culture" — its a term du jour, kind of like "menage a trois" was in the 80's — but this term unlike the latter, is not associated with being sex positive and it's usually not written about in a positive light. We live in a society where it often seems like we ... Read more

Why You Should Not Ignore The Symptoms of Painful Intercourse


Of the many psychological problems which interfere with sexual functioning, one of the most devastating and detrimental which can also have damaging effects on dating and relationships, not to mention self esteem, confidence, body image and so much more is having painful intercourse- a condition which is also known as vaginismus. Painful intercourse or ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.