Just Say Yes! Comfortable Couplehood Doesn't Have To Be Boring


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We all crave comfort, but does it have to come at the expense of romance & excitement?

Most of us crave couplehood. Let's face it, the idea of being with some who loves you, supports you, listens to you, wipes your tears when you are sad, laughs with you when you are happy and holds your hand when you are mad is one of the most amazing things we all love, want, need and crave. So, we date. Or maybe we meet someone when we are not looking. But most people would agree that when we meet someone we like we consider making them our partner, and this means considering whether or not they would also like to be partners. Otherwise, we have our antennas out looking for someone else.

When we first meet someone and things start to click there is excitement, maybe passion, and maybe romance. Maybe there is a tingly feeling, and maybe there is a whole lot of unknowing, anxiety and confusion.  This causes a lot of stress on the body and most people at some point want it to end. When I say end, I don't mean the relationship. I mean the chaotic, unstable feelings. There is a place where most individuals involved in a couplehood want to get and feel good about getting to, a place where most people would agree is what a wonderful long term relationship is all about. That lovely secure place is the feeling of comfort.

Most couples would agree that it's the small things that make the long-term relationship special. Shopping for groceries, fixing up the house, running errands together, doing laundry, waking up together, making breakfast, etc. You get the idea. It’s the day-to-day, simple little things we do that we get to do together in a long term relationship that makes it special, and yes, comfortable.

But, at some point comfort often leads to laziness, procrastination, taking our partners for granted, recognizing that long term is a long time, and therfore too often couples find themselves resting on their laurels. You know what I am talking about. "I am too tired," "I am not in the mood," and "Tomorrow. Let’s do it tomorrow." We begin to put off, what really should done today, until tomorrow. And, a lot of times, we know we are doing it, and we recognize that it might not be good for our relationship, but we can't seem to break the pattern. Instead, we start worrying or wondering if our partner might be stepping out, and sometimes jealousy and insecurity kick in, creating an even more vicious cycle. We fall back on the comfort, but somewhere in the back of our minds is a sense of discomfort.

So, the comfort is a safety zone, but something is missing. We know we must break the cycle of comfort, but it's too easy of a pattern to fall into and after a while breaking the cycle is weird, awkward and even somewhat embarrassing. We get to know our partner really well emotionally and intimately and we forget to integrate our, re-integrate our sexuality. We intuitively know how but with so many other bridges build it feels like learning to walk all over again. And in many ways it is. It's learning to walk down the sexual, sensual path with your intimate partner and confidante in a romantic way.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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