Yes, I am talking about your relationships, whether it be with your lover, siblings, best friends, parents or children, we are walking around trying to protect their feelings, but in the process we are withholding love and compassion, we are robbing not only ourselves an opportunity to grow, to feel love, to accept change, but we are robbing the person on the receiving end of the same things also. Why are we doing this? We say we do it to avoid guilt.
But guilt has deeper roots. The deepest root of guilt is fear. We are afraid of change. We are afraid that if we do something to hurt the other person they will leave, and our world will fall apart. By withholding love and compassion we are trying to forego the inevitable. Change. We are holding on so tightly that it is actually causing us a lot of pain. We are angry, because it’s so tiring to try to avoid what we are so afraid of: change. I mean, let’s be real here. We are not avoiding guilt because we are these walking empaths, like I mentioned earlier, we are quite likely avoiding guilt because ultimately we are afraid of change, afraid of being alone, afraid of abandonment, afraid of the emptiness of this world, afraid of failure, and so on... We will do anything to avoid experiencing the depths of despair that is, in the end, a part of living. And these things become so ingrained in us, that anytime we do something that might inspire, illicit or evoke change, we feel it as guilt on a very superficial level, but still in every bone in our body. Guilt is painful, because it inspires growth.
Thus, in order to experience the love and compassion to the fullest, we must not be afraid of change. We must embrace guilt, we must accept and acknowledge that our decisions whatever they may be will affect others, and that this is okay and is a part of life’s journey. Accepting change doesn’t mean being aloof either, it definitely means caring about your relationship. The key is finding the balance.
Wanting your partner to be happy is still a good thing, and being attuned to their needs still important, but how you strike the balance between giving too much and giving too little is the key to growth.