Monogamy : A Band Aid for Us, Horny and Afraid

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Monogamy : A Band Aid for Us, Horny and Afraid
What if we said it's OKAY to be Horny and Afraid?

We in turn may get abandoned, because out of emotional reactivity they abandon us. Hurt and betrayed.


How’s that for the monogamy myth? We perpetuate lies to ourselves and our partners for fear of beig left out in the cold, and for fear of not having a sure thing when it comes to having a sexual outlet. 

 

Let's talk about abandonment. Abandonment is something we all deal with from the time we are very little. When we are children and other kids bully us, we feel emotionally abandoned by the ones who do so, or who choose not to stand by our sides. When we switch schools, or even change grades, or a close friend moves away we feel sadness and begin to understand that nothing lasts forever. Some children have to unfortunately experience the loss of a parent or loved one either through divorce, death or some other catastrophe or circumstance, which can only be described as traumatic. We are forced to learn at a very young age of the impermanence of things and then we are spoon fed the concept of monogamy and bam! It’s like there is this answer to our fear of abandonment. Marriage. Marriage becomes the answer to all our woes.

And then of course there is the sex part. We are naturally sexual beings. We want to have sex. Well, most of us do, and most definitely we crave that connection and intimacy with another body, another being. We are taught concepts like “No sex before marriage,” and with the fears of sexually transmitted diseases, and HIV, again marriage and monogamy seem to the perfect solution to our desires to alleviate our fear of abandonment and to have unbridled passionate sex ALL THE TIME.

So, we set out on our mission to meet ‘the one.’ And we ache and suffer, desperately wanting to undo our abandonment. I wonder if we were to just admit that we are horny and afraid of being alone, if we were to just suck it up and say it, “I’m just horny and afraid of being alone,” would we be able to rid ourselves of the oversimplified concepts of marriage, monogamy and ‘the one?’

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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