I understand this might be hard, awkward, and embarrassing. Our sexual fantasies are personal, we are not always used to, nor open sharing them with people. This is where you take a deep breath, and commit yourself to being vulnerable, open and honest. Ask yourself if having a deeper intimate connection is important to you? If so go for it. Ideally your partner will follow your lead. And both of you can begin to have real, no holds-barred conversations about sex.
One great way of addressing desires and sexual fantasies in the bedroom is role-play. In role-play you and your partner can play different characters, and actually act out a fantasy that is arousing for you. Other ideas are dirty talk, reading erotica together, exploring use of different sex toys, etc. The list of ways to get creative with your partner is actually extensive.
This sex heart-to-heart is a two-way street. It’s a conversation to get you and your partner started on getting both of your needs met, because neither of you are mind readers. He may want you to play a dominant role, while you are more aroused in a submissive role. The key is to hear your partner, and to take turns meeting each other’s needs, or to find creative ways to meet in the middle.
Just remember, although it may seem awkward, weird or embarrassing at first, it does get easier with time. You should probably have a 2nd, 3rd, and 4th heart-to-heart.
Change doesn't happen over night, but it also cannot happen unless you are willing to rock the boat a little.
Moushumi Ghose is a Sex Therapist, Educator and Coach, Radio Host, Musician, and Filmmaker. She is licensed by the California Board of Behavioral Science. She is a member of AASECT (American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists). Mou also has extensive experience working with a variety of populations and diverse lifestyles.
Moushumi recently completed an eBook, Marriage, Money and Porn and writes extensively for numerous other sites ranging from Men's Fitness Magazine to GoodTherapy.org. Find her on Twitter @MoushumiAmour, Facebook and her website LASexTherapist.com.