The Elusive Lover And The True Friend

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The Elusive Lover And The True Friend
We have this human urge to stake a claim in what we see, and call it ours.
We have this human urge to stake a claim in what we see, and call it ours.

The story is the same, only the names, dates and places change but the name of the game remains the same. Call it unrequited love, call it the one that got away, call it the '"She/he's just not that into you" syndrome, call it tainted love, it's the age old game of cat and mouse, one chases the other, one likes one more than the other, sadness, confusion, frustration at best, rejection, pain and humiliation at worst... and the common denominator, what is missing from much of these scenarios is the age old test of true compatibility....

The story is the same, only the names, dates and places change but the name of the game remains the same. Call it unrequited love, call it the one that got away, call it the '"She/he's just not that into you" syndrome, call it tainted love, it's the age old game of cat and mouse, one chases the other, one likes one more than the other, sadness, confusion, frustration at best, rejection, pain and humiliation at worst... and the common denominator, what is missing from much of these scenarios is the age old test of true compatibility.... Friendship.

Lack of genuine caring for the other individual, an idealized romanticized perception of who the person really is and a fantasy, often, romanticized and idealized version of what the relationship could be, was or is is often at the core of what we call unrequited love. There is also a lack of understanding, knowing, and often perhaps even a true caring of who the person, IE the chasee, what they are thinking, what they are doing and ultimately who they really are. The elusive lover is often coveted, and when this individual rejects the chaser or the covetor of this so-called-love, it is the rejecter, the humiliator, the embarraser (whatever you wish to call him/her), who is then made out to be the bad guy, the complicated one, the confusing one.

You see, the illusion is the killer. Our hearts fall prey to excitement and the moment, the romance, the idealized image of who this person is, what the relationship could be, and who you two could be together. And most often these aforementioned scenarios come with a very selfish sense of desire and need, the need to covet, own, possess, claim, etc… you get the picture, the object of your desire. Key word: Object. We have this human urge, and maybe this is based on societal pressure, to find our one true love, or soul mate, but what kicks in is a selfish desire to stake a claim in what exists, in what we think we want and see, and then to make it ours. Essentially to “Make it mine!”

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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