Clinging to What We Know - Even if It's Unhealthy


Clinging to What We Know - Even if It's Unhealthy
3 Reasons We Stay in Unhealthy Relationships and What to Do

Every day I see people ignore the signs that a relationship is not only incompatible to who they are but prohibits them from growing into their truest expression. People lie to themselves, convince themselves that this relationship is worth saving, and that all it needs is a little work. People cling to past promises that were made together, memories that we made, plans that were laid all of which in the present day seem to be harder and harder to reach or put into practice. I often ask couples, what keeps you together, and when the first thing I hear is love I already know what is going on. You see, it has come  to my attention that couples who are most happiest list a number of other things before mentioning love. Couples often mention common interests, helpful, loving, respectful things the other does for them, and qualities and traits they respect and admire about their partners when the relationship is going relatively well. When couples mention love as the very first thing, it's an indicator that much has been lost or there is little else holding them together, other than a commitment to follow through on their word, or words... of the past. "But, I love him/her," reminds us that it takes a little more than just love to make a relationship work.    

A lot of this has to do with what we are taught and what we believe. One of the most common belief systems I see in these situations has to do with self esteem, and self worth. Many people stay in less than satisfactory situations, which are unhealthy because there is a core belief that they do not deserve any better. They may feel that this is good enough. That what is out there is much worse or that they may not find someone else. Although many of these situations are emotionally harmful, neglectful, painful or goes against a person's morals or values, people stay in these situations because they think it's better than the alternative, being alone and vulnerable. This misconception keeps people in emotionally repressive situations. And yes, while leaving the situation may leave you alone and vulnerable in the interim, people lack the foresight and the wherewithal to understand that this too shall pass, it is only temporary, a rite of passage which in thought is almost much bigger than the experience itself. On the other end awaits you personal freedom, and the potential to grow into something so much in sync with who you really are. In this scenario you believe you lack power, and in essence you continue to give it away daily.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at

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Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 


Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
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