Marriage is beautiful. As my friend said when I asked her about newly married life, “Hearts still beat the same.” Beautiful. Yes, our hearts still beat the same. But what so often happens are that the expectations set in. The expectation that your partner will be everything for you, will fulfill every need has somehow been spoon fed to us for so long, we actually believe this ridiculous notion can be true. We expect our partners to change, to conform like we did, to walk that straight and narrow, to do this, to do that, and we put pressure, we hold on too tight, we get angry, frustrated, we yell, we fight, but the one thing we don’t do is let people be who they really are, and who they need to be. And in so doing we don’t let ourselves be who we are.
We put ideals on marriage, such as monogamy, and expect that the reality is that we will live happily ever after, and never desire another person. We have bought a bill of goods and we want something slightly better that what happened for our parents, because our parents either fought all the time, stopped having sex long ago, or got divorced. Hello. Reality check. Do we constantly still believe that our parents didn’t know something that we did? No. They walked the same line we are walking now. Yes, history is repeating itself. Except, now we think because we’re more open minded about same sex relationships and polyamory that we should love better, and have more romance, and be more sexual than they were. Hah! Guess again.
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I hate writing this cynical stuff, but the bottom line is we have to change our mind, and change our way of thinking in order to open our lives and get the love we want. We have to have love for others, in order to have love for ourselves. We need to be okay with being completely alone and to recognize it is the human condition, and not only is it okay, it is beautiful. I don’t care if you get married and subscribe to a monogamous lifestyle. If you love someone, do it with all your heart, but what does that really mean? It means let them be who they need to be, and you be you.
Here’s the bigger picture, if we ban same sex marriage, if we frown on polygamy, prostitution, we close our minds, we don’t let people be themselves and we create more suffering for the human condition. Also, we don’t let ourselves grow, expand, fly.
It’s up to you really. If you don’t feel stuck or frustrated, you’re doing really good, and there are many of you out there who have figured this out. I am not talking about being comfortable in a stable monogamous relationship, but if that is working for you, yay! I applaud you. But a monogamous relationship can be beautiful and not be stable and comfortable. This just means you are growing. So, if something is not right then ask yourself, what are you really doing? Why are you doing it? What bill of goods have you bought into that in the end is a bunch of lies that may work for someone else but doesn’t work for you?
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