Arguing About the Same Thing Over and Over


Arguing About the Same Thing Over and Over
When arguing about the same sexual issue lends its way to avoidance of sex altogether.

5. Touch while talking. Holding your partner’s hand, putting your hand on his/her knee can remind you and your partner that you are on his/her side, and that you two are in this together.

6. Avoid language and behavior such as:

  • Blaming, and criticizing. A quick way to remember this is to avoid saying “you,” and to instead focus the statements on yourself and your feelings, and being positive. “I would like to….” “I feel unattractive lately and worried about our sex life.”
  • Words like “should” or “need to” which could sound like you know more than your partner, are judging their actions, or that you are giving advice. These types of statements can lead to feelings of resentment and power struggle. The key is to maintain balance in the relationship.
  • “Why” questions, such as “Why does it take you so long to orgasm?”; “Why don’t you ever initiate?” Instead try, “I would love it if we could take turns initiating,” or “what,” “who,” “when,” “where” and “how”; “What would you like me to do to you?”
  • Talking right after sex. Find a quiet time when you are not rushed, or too angry to have a calm talk.
  • Absolute statements, such as “never” and “always,” such as, “I never have an orgasm with you.” This may be true but it creates defensiveness, and quite often these are exaggerations. Instead try, “I would like to find a way for us to achieve orgasm together.”

7. Compliments. Compliments are a big part of positive talk. It’s important for our partners to feel recognized, and appreciated. I recommend a minimum of three compliments a day. The best way to catch a bee is with sugar.

The thing to remember is to be positive, supportive and non-judgmental. And, if this doesn’t work it’s a good idea to contact a mental health professional or sex therapist to help guide you on your way.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

She is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Visit her website at

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

4 Rules for Respectful, Self Aware Sexual Non Monogamy


So, are you single and the idea of hook up culture appeals to you?  Or maybe you want to be in an open relationship and like the idea of non-committal sex but things often get complicated in the process. Because of oxytocin, and a whole slew of other factors, maybe sex with no strings attached is sometimes more of an ideal than a realistic endeavor, and ... Read more

Ditch The Clothes And Love Your Birthday Suit!


We are such a clothed society. As a soceity we definitely like to show a lot of skin, we like fashion that exposes the midriff, the shoulders, short skirts that show off legs, low cut blowses that show some cleavage, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, nudity as a whole is something that is not highly accepted, nor is it publically legal in ... Read more

Yes! 6 Steps to Having Healthy Hook Ups


I read a lot of articles bashing "hook up culture" — its a term du jour, kind of like "menage a trois" was in the 80's — but this term unlike the latter, is not associated with being sex positive and it's usually not written about in a positive light. We live in a society where it often seems like we ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular