Arguing About the Same Thing Over and Over

By

Arguing About the Same Thing Over and Over
When arguing about the same sexual issue lends its way to avoidance of sex altogether.


5. Touch while talking. Holding your partner’s hand, putting your hand on his/her knee can remind you and your partner that you are on his/her side, and that you two are in this together.


6. Avoid language and behavior such as:

 

  • Blaming, and criticizing. A quick way to remember this is to avoid saying “you,” and to instead focus the statements on yourself and your feelings, and being positive. “I would like to….” “I feel unattractive lately and worried about our sex life.”
  • Words like “should” or “need to” which could sound like you know more than your partner, are judging their actions, or that you are giving advice. These types of statements can lead to feelings of resentment and power struggle. The key is to maintain balance in the relationship.
  • “Why” questions, such as “Why does it take you so long to orgasm?”; “Why don’t you ever initiate?” Instead try, “I would love it if we could take turns initiating,” or “what,” “who,” “when,” “where” and “how”; “What would you like me to do to you?”
  • Talking right after sex. Find a quiet time when you are not rushed, or too angry to have a calm talk.
  • Absolute statements, such as “never” and “always,” such as, “I never have an orgasm with you.” This may be true but it creates defensiveness, and quite often these are exaggerations. Instead try, “I would like to find a way for us to achieve orgasm together.”

7. Compliments. Compliments are a big part of positive talk. It’s important for our partners to feel recognized, and appreciated. I recommend a minimum of three compliments a day. The best way to catch a bee is with sugar.


The thing to remember is to be positive, supportive and non-judgmental. And, if this doesn’t work it’s a good idea to contact a mental health professional or sex therapist to help guide you on your way.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Moushumi Ghose

Sex Therapist

Moushumi Ghose, MFT specializes in sex and relationships and is based in New York City and Los Angeles.

Mou is the host of The Sex Talk, a web-series dedicated to raising awarenes about sex, and sexuality, and has made several TV and media appearances including Hollywood Today The Girl Spot, Durex Condoms and Investigation Discoveries as a sex expert. 

Mou is the band leader, composer and voice of the rock band Ghosha.

Visit her website at www.LASexTherapist.com

Subscribe to The Sex Talk Series at www.TheSexTalkSeries.com

Listen to podcasts at Sex, Love and Rock 'N' Roll Radio.

Mou is the author of Marriage, Money and Porn, available on Amazon, and is currently writing her second book, about non-monogamous sex. 

 

Follow Moushumi on Twitter @MoushumiAmour and Facebook

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LMFT, MA, MFT
Other Articles/News by Moushumi Ghose:

5 Steps To Take If You're In A Seriously Unhealthy Relationship

By

Things inevitably go sour in relationships, sometimes during an argument, and sometimes just for a day, a week, and sometimes for longer. Try as you might to implement tips and tricks from the "better your relationship" trade from self help books, talk shows, seeing a couples therapist, and recommendations from friends and family, things may not seem ... Read more

5 Ways Introverts AND Extroverts Can Break Out Of Comfort Zones

By

"You gotta get up, get dressed and show up for life." I love good reminders, so my friend saying that to me was truly powerful. The last time I quoted her in an article it was about getting up in the morning, getting out of bed, and getting an early start on your day. I still believe that to be true. "The early bird gets the worm," as my ... Read more

Considering Non-Monogamy? 4 Rules To Make Sure No One Gets Hurt

By

Are you single and intrigued by the idea of hook up culture? Maybe you want to be in an open relationship and like the idea of non-committal sex, but things often get complicated in the process. Because of oxytocin and a whole slew of other factors, maybe sex with no strings attached is sometimes more of an ideal than a realistic endeavor for you, and you ... Read more

See More

 
My Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular